Ep. 79 Finding Happiness and Self-Love with Tina Englisch

[00:00:06] I'm Michele Simms and this is The Beauty in the Mess, a community where people who crave a shift in mindset, personal growth, and connection to like-minded people come together to start rewriting their stories.

[00:00:17] Through engaging, honest, and insightful conversations, the show will help you embrace the mess to recognize the meanings and the lessons it holds and discover its hidden treasures to help you start making a mindset shift.

[00:00:30] Let's listen, learn, and reclaim who we were meant to be.

[00:00:34] Hi friend, welcome to The Beauty in the Mess.

[00:00:37] Today I'm welcoming Tina Englisch to the show.

[00:00:40] Tina is Austria's first relationship coach as she shares her unique journey from professional sports to relationship coaching.

[00:00:49] Tina discusses her pursuit of happiness beginning with a transformative experience in the Dominican Republic and Cuba where she learned the essence of true happiness, which isn't tied to any material possessions by the way.

[00:01:01] She emphasizes the importance of self-love and holistic living, blending old school wisdom with modern strategies.

[00:01:09] Tina provides practical advice on how to shift mindsets, create positive habits, and set a holistic foundation for a fulfilling life and healthy relationships.

[00:01:19] Her story is a powerful reminder that true happiness starts from within.

[00:01:23] Hi, I'm Michelle Sims, your host.

[00:01:25] I'm just a regular person who, along with my family, have had our share of messes that we too have had to overcome.

[00:01:31] Along the way, I got curious as to how others get through their messes, even triumph over them.

[00:01:37] Maybe there's a better way, a faster way.

[00:01:40] Maybe we can accelerate our journeys by learning from someone else.

[00:01:43] That started my pursuit.

[00:01:46] I think we can all learn from each other through the sharing of our experiences, lessons, and knowledge.

[00:01:51] So join me for episode 79 of the Beauty in the Mess called Finding Happiness and Self-Love with Tina English.

[00:01:58] So without further ado, let's dive right into today's conversation.

[00:02:03] Hi, Tina.

[00:02:04] Welcome to the Beauty in the Mess.

[00:02:05] I'm so glad to have you with us today.

[00:02:08] Hello, Michelle.

[00:02:08] It's great to be with you.

[00:02:10] Thank you.

[00:02:11] Now, I know you were Austria's first relationship coach.

[00:02:16] Can you tell us some of the journey to get to that position?

[00:02:20] It's a funny story, actually, because I was never planning on doing so.

[00:02:25] I was actually in professional sports before.

[00:02:28] And because of not knowing how to continue my life after I thought that that's not going

[00:02:33] to bring me the joy that I thought it would, because I won a race that I thought that was

[00:02:38] important to me.

[00:02:40] But then I was driving home and I thought, well, if this is happiness, then that's not

[00:02:46] enough.

[00:02:48] And then I thought, what can I do to find out what happiness is?

[00:02:51] And I reminded myself that the year before I have been to Dominican Republic and I was so

[00:02:57] impressed by these people.

[00:02:59] They had nothing, but they were so happy.

[00:03:01] And then I thought, I think this is where I should start.

[00:03:05] That's a good starting point.

[00:03:06] And actually, my journey brought me to Cuba and I was there with the locals.

[00:03:13] And these people, they have even less than in Dominican Republic.

[00:03:16] But they're so happy.

[00:03:18] And I knew that this is something that I needed to touch base with and I needed to learn.

[00:03:23] So I tried to find a job in Cuba.

[00:03:25] I spent there quite some time.

[00:03:28] And I learned how to be happy in a way.

[00:03:31] And when I come back, I was like, that was a great experience.

[00:03:34] I think maybe a lot of people could really take some nuggets from that.

[00:03:40] And I wanted to teach people how to be happier because I found out that in Europe, we are all

[00:03:46] based on this material possessions, but it's not like the happiness that comes from within.

[00:03:52] And then I just tried to find out how can I help them and how can I make this my profession?

[00:03:58] And then I found out about coaching and about this kind of a journey.

[00:04:01] And I went there, I got education.

[00:04:03] And then people told me like, oh, you're so good at flirting.

[00:04:06] You should do that.

[00:04:07] And I was like, well, okay, let's try this.

[00:04:10] It's fun.

[00:04:11] It sounds fun.

[00:04:13] And so I started out as a dating and flirt coach.

[00:04:16] And yeah, after a while, I found out that, yeah, it's nice to bring people together, but

[00:04:21] then they're together and the problems don't stop.

[00:04:24] And that got me to be a relationship coach.

[00:04:27] And as no one had that title before, I was the first one.

[00:04:31] And I quite got a little famous because I was writing a column for Love.

[00:04:35] It's like big online, or it was the biggest online dating platform in Austria.

[00:04:40] Wow.

[00:04:41] I got a single coach for hotels and for everything.

[00:04:44] So the media was basically just like coming to me when they wanted an interview or something.

[00:04:50] And then I got a trip with the Sega Fede, which is an Italian coffee brand.

[00:04:56] And they branded me as Dr. Love and marketed this.

[00:05:00] So, and this is basically the story of how I was first relationship coach and then also

[00:05:05] Dr. Love.

[00:05:06] Wow.

[00:05:07] So I'm curious, since you talked about your stay in Cuba and just trying to seek out personal

[00:05:13] happiness before you became the relationship coach.

[00:05:16] Is that the key to the relationship is just to become happy with yourself first?

[00:05:22] Is that part of it?

[00:05:23] I think the key to life.

[00:05:26] I think if you're not happy with yourself, there is no point because other people or other

[00:05:32] situations will always push your trigger points.

[00:05:35] And then you're coming back to the same situation over and over again until you heal this, until

[00:05:40] you step up and until you push it to the next level.

[00:05:44] And I think personally that happy relationships are based on a happy you.

[00:05:48] Otherwise, you always will project your problems on your partner and they project on you.

[00:05:53] And that's not going to stop until you go deep within yourself.

[00:05:58] So how do you make that mindset shift as far as I feel like a lot of society, even social

[00:06:05] media, it makes us prone to compare ourselves to other people.

[00:06:08] And we always feel like we're not enough or we don't measure up.

[00:06:12] So how do you become happy when you've got society telling you you're not enough?

[00:06:19] That's what it feels like.

[00:06:20] Put it that way.

[00:06:21] Yeah, I understand exactly what you're saying because I was part of that too.

[00:06:25] And I thought for a long time that I'm not enough.

[00:06:28] And actually, it's an embarking on that journey.

[00:06:32] I don't think that happens overnight.

[00:06:34] It's really like going deep, finding out why you think you're not enough.

[00:06:38] What made you think that?

[00:06:40] What situations in your life brought that up for you?

[00:06:44] So for example, for me, I'm not blaming anything of that.

[00:06:47] I'm just telling the story.

[00:06:49] Like for me, my family always said like, yeah, they're not waiting for you for whatever

[00:06:54] I wanted to do.

[00:06:55] So that gave me the feeling like I'm not enough.

[00:06:58] And I grew up with that.

[00:06:59] But then at a point, I was like, well, if I just always think about I'm not enough, I'm

[00:07:06] never going to make a step towards nowhere because I will always be afraid of doing something.

[00:07:12] And actually, when I seek my own happiness, I found out that I need to stop listening to

[00:07:19] what everybody else is telling me.

[00:07:22] And I need to listen to what's inside of myself.

[00:07:25] And I need to follow this.

[00:07:26] And I need to have the courage because honestly, going to Cuba for the first time, like that

[00:07:32] took a lot of courage.

[00:07:33] I don't know.

[00:07:35] Not just doing this.

[00:07:36] That was the first thing.

[00:07:38] But also like telling people why I'm doing this or that I'm doing this.

[00:07:43] I found that also very difficult because I had to prove that I'm doing this, that I want to do this,

[00:07:51] that I'm up for that.

[00:07:52] But also going against all opinions because everyone said like, you're stupid.

[00:07:57] Why are you doing this?

[00:07:59] What is your expectation?

[00:08:00] So I ended up telling people I want to learn Spanish to justify and to not have so much

[00:08:08] walls against.

[00:08:10] I was pushing.

[00:08:11] So I was like, okay, how can I justify it the easiest way?

[00:08:16] So to not have so much rejection and so much things that would hold me back.

[00:08:21] Because I understood that I had to make it easy.

[00:08:25] Otherwise, maybe I'm not going, but I needed to.

[00:08:29] I can't imagine the pressure you must have felt to succeed once you're combating all these

[00:08:35] people that are asking you why and kind of giving you resistance to going.

[00:08:40] And then when you get there, you probably felt a lot of pressure to make sure that you went

[00:08:43] through with it.

[00:08:45] I don't think I think the pressure that was there.

[00:08:48] That was more because I didn't know how to fit in.

[00:08:52] So that's the other thing.

[00:08:54] When you're not supposed to be someone that you're not, then who are you?

[00:08:59] And that was the question that was basically asked, not from others, but I needed to ask

[00:09:06] myself, who am I?

[00:09:08] If I'm not, if I do not need to fit in, if I do not need to fulfill other people's needs

[00:09:15] or things, if there is no one asking anything of me, if I can be just me, who am I?

[00:09:22] And that was really a big thing to find out in the first weeks.

[00:09:26] I was overwhelmed with that.

[00:09:28] I can imagine even being at home and being comfortable.

[00:09:31] I think that's a huge question to ask yourself.

[00:09:34] Yeah.

[00:09:35] And especially when you're not in the comfort of your home, no one is accepting anything

[00:09:39] from you.

[00:09:39] And it's a different culture and you don't even understand what they're saying.

[00:09:44] Then you go like, okay, what am I doing now?

[00:09:48] In the very beginning, did you ever think you made a mistake or did you just have the

[00:09:52] attitude that you're going to get through it no matter what?

[00:09:55] Both.

[00:09:56] I thought I made a big mistake, but I had the attitude to say like, I'm pushing for not

[00:10:01] going home, not succeeding this because I knew there is something in there for me and I needed

[00:10:07] to accomplish that.

[00:10:08] I knew that this happiness that they had was my next step.

[00:10:12] So whatever happens, I'm not giving up.

[00:10:15] Whatever it takes, I'm going.

[00:10:18] Do you feel like you achieved that happiness from that trip or do you feel like it's something

[00:10:23] that you're always in pursuit of in a way?

[00:10:27] I think it was a great first step to learn this happiness that comes inside and also to

[00:10:37] not listen to what other people say.

[00:10:39] I mean, it wasn't that I came back and immediately everything was gone and I was like over everybody

[00:10:46] and thinking like, I don't care.

[00:10:48] That wasn't the case.

[00:10:49] But I learned for the first thing that I cannot tell everything to everyone that I need to

[00:10:57] first listen to my heart and then find my own way.

[00:10:59] And it's better to do the things first and then tell people that I'm doing it because the

[00:11:05] energies that come from outside, they're disturbing my energy that wants to do or go towards something.

[00:11:11] So that was the first thing that I learned, I think.

[00:11:14] And then I think the first step to happiness was done.

[00:11:18] But then it was about bringing it together.

[00:11:21] Like being happy in Cuba looks different than being happy in Europe.

[00:11:26] Because in Europe, you can't live without money.

[00:11:29] It's not possible.

[00:11:30] For the first thing, because it's cold and you need heating and you need a roof over your head.

[00:11:35] So like finding a fusion to go for the money, but not depending, still having the happiness

[00:11:43] inside of you first.

[00:11:44] But then also including this into our Western standard life, that was the next challenge.

[00:11:53] And no, it took me quite a while to really find this happiness.

[00:11:57] But now I can say I'm really happy.

[00:12:00] So, I mean, a lot of people have a negative default, like that negative inner critic or

[00:12:07] whatever wording you want to put to it.

[00:12:09] So even if you feel like you've changed your mindset, and I'm talking about the average

[00:12:13] person, how do you not get pulled right back into that default setting, so to speak?

[00:12:19] I mean, in other words, how do you change your default so that it's not negative?

[00:12:23] Well, I think a good point is to, first of all, start realizing when the negative thoughts

[00:12:28] happen.

[00:12:29] Because I think this is something that we don't do regularly.

[00:12:33] Because we are so much in this, yeah, and I don't like this and that.

[00:12:36] And the mind is talking all the time, all the time.

[00:12:39] And it likes to talk negatively.

[00:12:42] It doesn't like to say, oh, you're so beautiful.

[00:12:44] Oh, that's a nice day.

[00:12:46] It doesn't like that because we are so set up for this drama.

[00:12:50] And also, I mean, like drama sometimes is fun.

[00:12:53] I'm not saying that you should eliminate all the negativity because like comedians, they

[00:12:59] just have their work with this kind of drama.

[00:13:02] But once you feel that you don't feel good with what your mind says, there is a good moment

[00:13:08] to stop and to think, why am I thinking this?

[00:13:11] And is that really true?

[00:13:15] And if you really think it's true and you don't feel good with it, then it's probably

[00:13:20] not you.

[00:13:21] Then it's a thought.

[00:13:23] And in fact, it's just a thought.

[00:13:25] And you choose how you think about yourself.

[00:13:28] You can't choose.

[00:13:30] I'm, for example, not pretty.

[00:13:31] But also you can look in the mirror and think like, but inside, I'm a wonderful, beautiful

[00:13:36] person.

[00:13:36] Why am I not focusing on this?

[00:13:38] Which immediately makes me radiate differently.

[00:13:42] And if I radiate differently, I'm more pretty because I'm radiating this positive energy.

[00:13:47] And if I am positive, then everything else that comes towards me and that realizes who

[00:13:54] I am would look at me like more positively than if I'm like grumpy and not happy all the

[00:13:59] time.

[00:14:00] So I think the best thing is to notice when something happens that makes you really unhappy,

[00:14:06] take a note and then think about your thoughts and take it maybe even a notch deeper and

[00:14:13] think, why am I thinking this?

[00:14:15] Is that really true?

[00:14:16] And then go from there.

[00:14:18] That's good advice.

[00:14:20] So how important is like knowing our life's purpose on that journey to happiness?

[00:14:26] Do you think that's important at all?

[00:14:28] Or is that something that's ever changing in your opinion?

[00:14:31] I think it's a journey to find out the purpose for every one of us.

[00:14:36] It's not like just evident.

[00:14:37] I think as a child, you have better antennas for that.

[00:14:41] You'd know it more likely than when you grow up and you learn what you shouldn't be.

[00:14:46] So I think when you go deeper into who you really are, then the purpose is coming through

[00:14:55] step by step.

[00:14:56] I think once you found the purpose, life gets a different meaning.

[00:15:01] It's not gaining money.

[00:15:03] At some point, you just have something that feels like this is you.

[00:15:07] And this is what you can bring to the world.

[00:15:10] So I love my purpose, what I feel is my purpose.

[00:15:14] So I really love that.

[00:15:16] And I think it's great if people know what their purpose here on this earth is.

[00:15:21] But I cannot say that a life without a purpose is not worth living.

[00:15:27] Because at some point, maybe you just get there.

[00:15:31] And if you don't have anything else at this moment, just try to be happy.

[00:15:35] Because I think this is the main purpose for all of us just to really be happy.

[00:15:40] And from there, when you're like really truly yourself, you don't care so much about other

[00:15:46] people and what they think about you.

[00:15:49] From there, it's just one step to the purpose.

[00:15:52] Right.

[00:15:53] That's true.

[00:15:53] So I know you've talked about holistic living.

[00:15:57] Do you think that that's part of the key to figuring out maybe your purpose or who you

[00:16:02] really are?

[00:16:02] Because you're spending more time.

[00:16:05] Yeah.

[00:16:06] My understanding of holistic is like mind, body and spirit, everything combined.

[00:16:11] So I would assume that if you're living a more holistic life, you're spending more time

[00:16:17] with yourself, so to speak.

[00:16:18] You're asking yourself those questions and listening.

[00:16:20] Because everyday life for most of us, as you go to work, you come home.

[00:16:24] If you got kids, you're racing around or pets or nieces and nephews, it could be anything.

[00:16:29] But time just flies.

[00:16:31] And I don't think a lot of us spend time on ourselves.

[00:16:34] So I just wondered if that's part of your journey.

[00:16:38] For me, I spend a lot of time with myself and I love doing so.

[00:16:42] So for me, I don't do appointments in the morning if I don't have to.

[00:16:47] Like, okay, I would go to the doctor if it's necessary.

[00:16:50] If I have the chance and I set up my life to have the chance.

[00:16:54] So for regular days, the first two, three hours a day, they're just for me.

[00:16:59] So I do meditation.

[00:17:00] I do my yoga practice and I do whatever is important to make myself the best version of

[00:17:07] myself.

[00:17:07] Because if I put that to evening, I know that they're happening so many things and then

[00:17:13] it's too late and then I don't have the time.

[00:17:15] So I start with that.

[00:17:17] I set myself up for my personal success, which is being happy, being centered, being peaceful

[00:17:24] and being, yeah, like I said, the best version of myself.

[00:17:28] And then I start out into the day.

[00:17:30] So I understand that this is difficult if you have kids.

[00:17:34] But I like to say to my clients, for example, make an appointment with yourself.

[00:17:38] It's like a date.

[00:17:39] And you keep that date because you don't want to be late for your first date with your partner.

[00:17:44] But don't take yourself for granted.

[00:17:48] Don't be late on the date with yourself.

[00:17:50] Set aside a time of the day when you think that you can be uninterrupted and use it to take

[00:17:57] care about yourself.

[00:17:58] And yes, I think this is very important.

[00:18:01] That is a good point.

[00:18:03] If you can be disciplined enough to do that is the key, I think, to not let other things

[00:18:08] become more important than that time on yourself.

[00:18:12] But I think that's the key of life.

[00:18:14] I mean, if you live other people's schedules and lists, then you don't live your life.

[00:18:20] You live their life.

[00:18:21] Right.

[00:18:22] So just having that date with yourself to maybe just find out what you want for this

[00:18:29] date.

[00:18:30] This is so important because otherwise you're never going to be like on purpose for your

[00:18:36] own life.

[00:18:36] You're never going to be yourself because you have so many other tasks to do that everybody

[00:18:41] gives you that your life is basically disappearing.

[00:18:46] It's not there.

[00:18:47] You just live other people's life.

[00:18:48] And that's not going to make you happy.

[00:18:50] It brings you some happiness, of course, because you're serving.

[00:18:53] And that's great.

[00:18:55] But your part isn't served.

[00:18:58] And that's important, I think.

[00:19:00] Oh, I think you're right.

[00:19:01] I think it's very important.

[00:19:03] I think it's hard to do sometimes.

[00:19:05] But like you said, making that intention to keep that date with yourself is very important.

[00:19:11] I also think that there might be days when it's not possible because it's just impossible

[00:19:18] to do because time is flying and things happen.

[00:19:21] They're not expected.

[00:19:22] I personally like to set aside more time the next day or the other day to just like catch

[00:19:29] up with myself if I didn't have the time before.

[00:19:33] I think that's great.

[00:19:34] So how important do you think goal setting is?

[00:19:37] I personally, I used to do like big goals.

[00:19:41] Now, the goal is to really follow my heart.

[00:19:45] I don't like this big goal setting things because I think sometimes when we have two big goals,

[00:19:54] then we lose the connection with ourselves because we want to push so much.

[00:20:00] So a goal is a great thing because we need direction to where we want to go.

[00:20:05] Let's speak, for example, about business.

[00:20:07] So if I want to find a business, I need a goal.

[00:20:09] Yes, great.

[00:20:10] But then I feel like there needs to be some room for adapting because sometimes things

[00:20:16] don't go like planned or sometimes things don't even feel in alignment anymore after you tried

[00:20:23] them.

[00:20:23] And then there needs to be some room for adaption because maybe this adaption will even bring

[00:20:28] you to some better place and to better results.

[00:20:31] But sometimes we are too focused on the goals that we set before.

[00:20:35] And if we don't leave this room, then I don't know how to say that.

[00:20:40] Then we don't leave the room for the universe to help us because we really want to do it our way.

[00:20:46] But it doesn't necessarily need to be always our way.

[00:20:49] It's like it's my way, but it's also in alignment with everything that is around me.

[00:21:00] And once you get into that mindset, you do the things that are necessary, but you stay

[00:21:05] open to what is happening around you and what's happening to you.

[00:21:09] And then maybe your goal is coming towards you and it's in a completely different way

[00:21:14] than you planned it.

[00:21:17] So I like to have the goals, but I like to keep them a little bit sexy.

[00:21:22] Yeah, I think that's important.

[00:21:24] But I think a lot of times if it comes to us in a different way,

[00:21:28] if we're not really open-minded, we might even miss it because we're so set on,

[00:21:33] we get like tunnel vision.

[00:21:34] We expect it this way and it'll fly right past us.

[00:21:40] Exactly.

[00:21:41] And then it comes from somewhere else and you go like, no, no, thank you.

[00:21:44] It's not my way.

[00:21:45] Yeah.

[00:21:46] It makes you think of how many opportunities you personally may have missed just because of

[00:21:52] that, just because you're expecting it one certain way and it might have happened in a

[00:21:57] different way.

[00:21:57] That's interesting.

[00:21:59] This is why I'm saying the goal setting.

[00:22:01] Yes.

[00:22:01] But like, keep open for everything else because it might come from somewhere completely.

[00:22:05] It's great if it's coming without you doing a lot.

[00:22:08] I mean, why not?

[00:22:10] Right.

[00:22:12] Very true.

[00:22:13] So how do you suggest that people like move into a more holistic lifestyle?

[00:22:20] Especially, you know, if they're nowhere near that, do you have suggestions for that?

[00:22:24] Or is every single person different and how they would move in that direction?

[00:22:28] I mean, I know we're all a little different, but I mean, is there like things that people

[00:22:33] can try to try to move into a more holistic life?

[00:22:36] I like to start with the more obvious things like the body, the living space and stuff like

[00:22:42] that.

[00:22:43] So I think if I would go to my clients and say like, now you have to just go deep in

[00:22:48] yourself.

[00:22:49] The jump, the distance is very, very big.

[00:22:51] So I like to start them on like being mindful with their body.

[00:22:55] If, for example, a detox, I have a detox course, for example, and I like to put them on this.

[00:23:02] So they would do two weeks of mindful eating and practice like yoga and stuff like that.

[00:23:09] And they would detox their environment.

[00:23:11] Like they would declutter their home.

[00:23:14] They would think of friendships that are not supported, for example, and would try to eliminate

[00:23:19] those things to a certain point out of their lives.

[00:23:22] And so I think this is a very good first step to enter in the more holistic area, because

[00:23:30] you feel immediately that there is a change because you have suddenly more space.

[00:23:36] You feel better in your body because you have more energy, because you sleep better, because

[00:23:42] maybe you lose weight and then everything is just like falling into place.

[00:23:46] And if you feel better and such an improvement, normally you wouldn't want to go back, but

[00:23:52] forward.

[00:23:53] So I feel this is a very good first step to just be present to what is in that moment.

[00:24:00] And to start with what's obvious, you and your surrounding, and then you can go deeper

[00:24:05] from there.

[00:24:06] When you first said detox, I thought you meant like a heavy metal detox or like where you're

[00:24:11] actually trying to cleanse your body.

[00:24:14] But you're talking not only maybe even that, but not only that, but detoxing your environment,

[00:24:19] right?

[00:24:20] Like I heard you say unclutter, declutter.

[00:24:24] Yeah, I think it's also the holistic thing.

[00:24:26] You do it with your body.

[00:24:28] Yes.

[00:24:28] But you do it also with your surrounding because the difference is way, way bigger.

[00:24:33] There's so much detox that is just for the body.

[00:24:35] And I personally don't like to not feed people.

[00:24:39] I always want to give them food, but I want to give them mindful food and good food.

[00:24:44] People don't like to not eat.

[00:24:46] If you put them on juices all the time, they get tired of that.

[00:24:49] I always put them on a healthy diet and to do everything like step by step.

[00:24:55] You don't have to make jumps or big milestones.

[00:24:58] It's like the small things, they can make such a big difference.

[00:25:02] And if people see that, they're way more likely to proceed and to continue the journey.

[00:25:08] Yeah.

[00:25:08] And I thought something else that was very interesting that you said, because I heard

[00:25:12] you say maybe rid yourself of a friendship that's not supported or supportive.

[00:25:18] And I think that's something that a lot of us never think about to do an evaluation

[00:25:23] of these relationships we have in our life.

[00:25:27] And are they supportive?

[00:25:28] Are they helpful?

[00:25:29] Or is it just a constant drain on us?

[00:25:32] Exactly.

[00:25:33] Exactly.

[00:25:34] So I thought that was very, very important to think about.

[00:25:37] I know you have a global reach and you're a global speaker as well.

[00:25:42] So when you're speaking to other cultures, do you change how you approach different cultures?

[00:25:47] Or is a lot of this universal?

[00:25:48] Because people are just people.

[00:25:51] How do you look at that?

[00:25:52] I realize that there is difference, for example, when you speak to people from Asia, because

[00:25:58] they have such a different living style.

[00:26:01] When you think of China, and they have these really tiny apartments and they're living a

[00:26:06] lot of people.

[00:26:07] So they bring a lot of time outside of the house and their dating world is completely different

[00:26:12] from ours.

[00:26:13] So I would not give the Chinese necessarily dating advice because I really don't know how

[00:26:19] they do it.

[00:26:20] So in general, talking about holistic living, about reaching goals, about succeeding in life,

[00:26:28] I'd say, yes, I talk to everyone the same way because, well, I think that in our core,

[00:26:34] we're all the same.

[00:26:35] We're this energy.

[00:26:37] And we have to understand that we are okay the way we are, no matter if you're Chinese,

[00:26:43] if you're black, if you're wherever you come from, it doesn't matter.

[00:26:46] You are perfect the way you are.

[00:26:50] And this is the same for every one of us.

[00:26:52] If you're poor, if you're rich, the energy that is behind you as a human being is the same.

[00:26:58] But dating advice, for example, like specific things, I wouldn't talk the same.

[00:27:04] So if I would need to give dating advice to Chinese or Indian people, I would have to,

[00:27:08] I would have to go there and have to see how they do it to make adjustments to their culture.

[00:27:15] Yeah, I can see that for sure.

[00:27:17] I guess I was thinking more just the holistic kind of.

[00:27:21] Yes, I think that's the same for every one of us.

[00:27:23] I wouldn't make a big difference.

[00:27:25] But if you think of like people like Deepak Chopra, they're just the same for everyone.

[00:27:30] And I think for the holistic life, it's just this.

[00:27:35] So you talk about mixing old school wisdom with today's strategies.

[00:27:40] Can you tell us a little bit about that?

[00:27:42] What do you mean by that?

[00:27:44] For me, I was in Mexico and I was learning with shamans there.

[00:27:47] And I found that interesting because they have this healing strategies, like how they heal the body and how they set the body up for being kill inflammation and stuff like that.

[00:28:00] And I found that really cool and really helpful.

[00:28:04] So when I created my detox, I fused Ayurveda, which is the Indian health culture with the shaman's knowledge of opening and healing the body.

[00:28:14] And I think that these cultures, they were so natural and connected to all the energies.

[00:28:20] And they were so great on following their intuition.

[00:28:25] And when I, in my daily life, I use shaman practices to connect myself with myself, to go deeper in myself.

[00:28:35] And I like my clients to do the same because they have so easy strategies that have such an impact.

[00:28:41] And they make it so easy because sometimes when you ask people like, do you know how to connect with yourself?

[00:28:48] They have no idea.

[00:28:49] So if you use this easy visualizations, for example, then you can go deeper and there is no effort in it because they have created it.

[00:28:59] So why do I have to invent the wheel another time if it's already there?

[00:29:04] So this is why I love this ancient wisdom because it's amazing.

[00:29:09] I miss words for that because I'm so impressed when I first dove into that.

[00:29:14] I was like, wow, what do you can do with basically nothing?

[00:29:19] And I tried to build my own foundation on that and then fuse it with the nowadays life technology and speed.

[00:29:29] Because there was no speed in ancient times.

[00:29:32] It's us who make it faster, faster, faster.

[00:29:35] So in this visualization that you're talking about to go deeper within yourself, can you just give us one example of like, what would you be visualizing?

[00:29:45] Like a meditation, like a guided meditation?

[00:29:48] I do guided meditations.

[00:29:50] But for example, if you want to heal yourself in a shaman way, you would run energy in form of light through your body.

[00:29:58] And the parts of your body that do not lighten up, there is blocked energy.

[00:30:04] And then you would take care about this, just this region of your body because the rest is functioning.

[00:30:09] It's working.

[00:30:10] But where there is blocked energy, there is a problem.

[00:30:13] So this is something that you do when, and the same as like when you want to open your chakras or something like that.

[00:30:19] You just put the light energy there and you work with the light to, I don't know how to say that, like to open the chakra, to clean the chakra, for example.

[00:30:30] Right.

[00:30:31] Because we are all energy and everything is energy.

[00:30:33] So at the end, you just have to make sure that your energy is pulsating through your body.

[00:30:39] And if you connect it to Ayurveda, then you would say that.

[00:30:42] And you do this also with prana.

[00:30:44] So you can also do and pulsate this energy through your body with breath.

[00:30:49] And conscious breath also focuses you, it gets you deeper without any meditation.

[00:30:54] If you focus on your breath, like for example, if you do a three-part breath, where you just lift your belly first and then bring it up to your chest,

[00:31:02] like you raise different parts of your body and then go the same way back to exhale, then you're within.

[00:31:08] You don't have to do any extra thing.

[00:31:10] You're concentrated on yourself and you're already feeling yourself.

[00:31:14] And then it's just a little bit of a movement to think about other things in your body and to feel really what you feel.

[00:31:22] And I really like to do easy ways for people.

[00:31:25] I like to make it easy.

[00:31:26] I don't like to let them work hard.

[00:31:29] I want to just, okay, this is your strategy.

[00:31:32] Try this because this is what brings you to your goal to like be a little bit happier.

[00:31:37] Faster.

[00:31:38] Fastest.

[00:31:39] Yeah.

[00:31:40] And I've heard a lot about breath work lately.

[00:31:42] It seems to be the rage, I think, on at least the social media that comes my way.

[00:31:49] I see a lot of it.

[00:31:50] And I know it improves your health, of course, because I hear that we're all very shallow breathers anymore.

[00:31:56] We don't breathe deeply.

[00:31:57] So the body doesn't get the amount of oxygen it needs.

[00:32:01] But I think there's also a calming, relaxing component to it as well.

[00:32:08] That if you're feeling anxious or whatever and you do the deep breathing, you can bring your state to a more calm state.

[00:32:43] Yeah.

[00:32:44] Feel what doesn't feel so good in this moment.

[00:32:47] And then maybe as a next step, you can ask yourself, what is it that is disturbing me, that is worrying me?

[00:32:55] And maybe as a next step, you find out what it is.

[00:32:58] So I think that's a very easy way to connect with yourself and to really go deep and feel.

[00:33:04] For some people, it's difficult to not just do the breath work, but just to feel what they truly feel.

[00:33:11] Because they were told that you're not supposed to feel like this.

[00:33:14] You're not supposed to cry.

[00:33:15] You're not supposed to whatever.

[00:33:16] So they don't allow themselves to feel whatever they feel.

[00:33:21] Do you feel that you can use it any other way as well?

[00:33:25] Not just trying to fix something that may be a little off, but also like to step yourself more into gratitude in a way?

[00:33:34] Of course.

[00:33:35] Of course.

[00:33:36] Why should you fix something that isn't broken?

[00:33:38] So gratitude is a great thing for happiness.

[00:33:42] And what you focus on expands.

[00:33:44] So if you focus on what you're grateful for and this expands, automatically you get more things that you're grateful for.

[00:33:53] And this is one of the problems that we use to focus on things that we don't like and put our energy there.

[00:33:59] Instead of saying, I'm so happy with my life.

[00:34:02] There are some things that can be improved, but I focus on the happiness first.

[00:34:07] Because that will improve my life, my happiness.

[00:34:10] Obviously, even though nothing is coming towards you, but you're focusing on it.

[00:34:14] So you will see it.

[00:34:16] That's what I was going to ask.

[00:34:17] Is it more that if you're focused on negative, of course, you're going to see the negative.

[00:34:21] If you're focused on positive, you're going to see the positive.

[00:34:24] Or do you believe that if we focus on positive, we're actually attracting more positivity towards us?

[00:34:31] I think it's both.

[00:34:33] I think you see the positive, but I think, well, I mean, there's no proof for any of this.

[00:34:37] I was just asking your opinion.

[00:34:40] Yeah.

[00:34:41] So for me, it's like, I feel like when I focus on the positive, more positive things come towards me.

[00:34:49] But it can also be that I just don't see the negative very much because I don't focus on it.

[00:34:53] So either way, there are positive things and more positive things in my life.

[00:35:00] If nothing but that, that's enough for me.

[00:35:03] Yeah.

[00:35:04] And the more positive things you focus on, the more gratitude you're going to feel as well.

[00:35:09] Exactly.

[00:35:10] So it's like the positive spiral that is growing.

[00:35:13] I'm happy with that.

[00:35:15] Good.

[00:35:16] You were so strong into athleticism, as you were telling us.

[00:35:20] And I just wonder, did that cause you issues in the beginning because you were comparing yourself to others or you felt you had to win?

[00:35:28] Or, I mean, what part of that changed where you're at today in a way?

[00:35:35] Or did it?

[00:35:36] Yeah, yeah, it did.

[00:35:37] Of course.

[00:35:37] I mean, like when you're in sports, you're young.

[00:35:39] You're not very experienced.

[00:35:41] And yes, there is competition.

[00:35:43] Yes, you want to win.

[00:35:44] And yes, you overtrain because you want to be the best and you want to have all of these things in minimum time.

[00:35:51] I experienced for sure times where I lost completely the fun of what I was doing.

[00:35:58] Right.

[00:35:59] Because I was so focused on being one of, I mean, I was good.

[00:36:04] Yes.

[00:36:05] But I wanted to push it further and further and further.

[00:36:08] And at some point, it's not fun anymore.

[00:36:11] It's just hard and tough work.

[00:36:13] Because also, if you're an athlete, you miss a lot of life.

[00:36:18] Like you're not going out with your friends and drink.

[00:36:21] You stay home and you sleep because you know that if not the other day, you want to fuck up with the sport that you have to do, with the practice that you have to do.

[00:36:29] And when you want to win, then you just want to do that because your goal is more important.

[00:36:36] The winning is more important.

[00:36:39] And this has drastically changed in my life.

[00:36:43] I still want to reach my goals.

[00:36:45] I still want to come to a point where I feel I should go.

[00:36:50] But I'd never compromise my life and my happiness for them.

[00:36:56] So it was a learning on my way that I had to understand.

[00:37:02] And also in the snowboard, like I was on snowboarding.

[00:37:06] Also in that time, once my trainer said, I need you to go to a vacation.

[00:37:11] I needed to take your mind off of the snowboarding thing for at least two weeks because you're too much.

[00:37:19] And I didn't realize when I came back, I realized I couldn't handle it anymore because I was like all over the place.

[00:37:26] Because I was so focused that there was no fun in my life anymore.

[00:37:31] I was just training, sleeping, eating, training, sleeping, eating, repeat.

[00:37:35] That was all I was doing.

[00:37:38] So that's I mean, I'm not saying that this is a strategy that doesn't work.

[00:37:42] It can.

[00:37:43] But where's the point if you don't have a life anymore?

[00:37:48] Exactly.

[00:37:49] And did you have external pressure on you as well?

[00:37:52] Like other people wanting and pushing you to win?

[00:37:55] Or was all this just coming from you or what you thought other people expected?

[00:38:00] I think the latter one was me and what I think other people expected.

[00:38:05] I don't think that in this area I had a lot of external pressure because the pressure was more than I shouldn't do this.

[00:38:13] The people told me what you want to do.

[00:38:15] This was one area, again, that like, why are you doing this?

[00:38:18] I mean, this is just snowboard.

[00:38:19] You should do skiing.

[00:38:20] Austria is a skiing country, not a snowboarding country.

[00:38:24] So, you know.

[00:38:25] Wow.

[00:38:26] So, yeah.

[00:38:27] It was more than rebellion because I knew I didn't want to ski that much.

[00:38:33] So how do you view like changing the mindset as far as do you feel ultimately it's just a choice that we make and then we discipline ourselves to stay with that choice?

[00:38:45] Or in other words, I hear a lot about shifting the mindset.

[00:38:50] But for a lot of us, I mean, that old track has played for so many years that it's very difficult to shift.

[00:38:58] Right.

[00:38:59] And then if you do shift, it's very easy to go back because we're creatures of habit.

[00:39:04] We're creatures of what we're used to.

[00:39:07] So what is the actual mindset shift?

[00:39:10] Is it just a choice?

[00:39:12] Well, ultimately, it comes down to a choice, but it depends on what it is.

[00:39:17] If there is still the trigger point acting in you, then I believe it's really difficult to make it just out of a choice because the triggers, they're bigger than you.

[00:39:27] Let's say it that way.

[00:39:28] They will come again and they will come again and they will.

[00:39:30] Because ultimately, I think that we want to get rid of these things that are hurting, that are painful.

[00:39:35] We want to get back to this whole state that we have been, that we're supposed to be.

[00:39:40] So I think that as long as we're still operating from our triggers, from our limited mindset, I think we cannot just act out of choice because our mind, our whole being wants to expand back to who we should be, like complete.

[00:39:59] Right.

[00:39:59] Right.

[00:39:59] So, but if it's just like a small habit, like eating healthy, not healthy, and this is not based on a big trigger, I think then you can succeed also with just shifting the mind.

[00:40:10] Because for example, when we talk about eating or doing sports, after a while, when you created a new habit, so you have to stick with this for a time, you will feel awesome.

[00:40:20] You will feel the change in your body and then you might just not want to go back because it feels very good.

[00:40:26] But that's a different thing because normally you're not doing sports because you're lazy.

[00:40:31] And laziness is normally nothing that is coming from a trauma in your childhood or something like that.

[00:40:37] So that can be done with a habit change, like really continuing doing this for like, it depends on your personality, one to three months.

[00:40:46] And after three months, normally the new habit is created and we can just continue with that.

[00:40:53] Right.

[00:40:53] So I tell people like, it's very good to really go deep for the more challenging things or maybe also get help because for some things, and I think this is the things that you talked about, that you're caring for almost all your life.

[00:41:09] Sometimes it's really difficult to go and eliminate them just by yourself.

[00:41:14] Very true.

[00:41:16] And I think that was a lot of wisdom too, as far as just becoming self-aware of what is triggering you.

[00:41:22] And then you can start working down that path of why is it triggering me?

[00:41:25] Why is it making me feel this way?

[00:41:27] And that's something that a lot of us just react and then we don't do that.

[00:41:33] Yeah, exactly.

[00:41:34] There's this work of identifying the trigger, that it's a trigger and it's not the other person that did me wrong.

[00:41:42] Yeah, we always want to blame the other person, don't we?

[00:41:45] It's kind of our default nature.

[00:41:49] It's easier to deal with it.

[00:41:50] That person has a problem than, hey, you know, why did I react the way I did?

[00:41:55] Exactly.

[00:41:56] I understand that for sure.

[00:41:58] So would you want to tell us a little bit about your books or your courses that you offer?

[00:42:05] I wrote two books.

[00:42:06] The first one is a Nobel.

[00:42:08] It's not available anymore.

[00:42:09] I wrote it out of a necessity.

[00:42:12] It was me that needed to write this.

[00:42:14] I don't know.

[00:42:15] I don't know if you ever happened to have this, but it was like, I need to sit down.

[00:42:19] I need to write this.

[00:42:20] I need to sit down.

[00:42:21] I need to write this.

[00:42:22] It needed to come up.

[00:42:25] So when I wrote it, it was like, okay, now I'm done.

[00:42:27] And for me, it lost importance.

[00:42:30] Yes, I did the marketing.

[00:42:31] Yes, I did it.

[00:42:32] But for me, as soon as it was out, it lost completely the meaning.

[00:42:37] It was like the trigger that was done.

[00:42:39] I don't know.

[00:42:40] The second book that is a little guide on how to have sparkling relationships or sparkling dates.

[00:42:47] What you can do to make that a little bit more exciting, especially when you're in a relationship,

[00:42:53] because I think that sometimes we forget that when we're together with someone for a longer time,

[00:42:59] that we still need some dating, that we still need a little bit of that sparkling energy.

[00:43:05] And it's not just like I have seen you in your underwear.

[00:43:08] And I know when you go to the toilet thing or how you drink your coffee,

[00:43:11] that's not enough to sparkle the relationship.

[00:43:15] Very true.

[00:43:17] So yeah, for my courses, I have talked about the detox already.

[00:43:22] So this is for me, it's a holistic thing.

[00:43:24] And I created a cookbook out of shaman and Ayurveda knowledge.

[00:43:28] So it's really based on healing your body, plus setting it up for success.

[00:43:35] Success means health.

[00:43:36] So you're not getting very sick or not likely to get sick.

[00:43:40] And I've used it with yoga and with declutter of friendships of everything of your life.

[00:43:46] So you would have more space for meaningful and fulfilling things that bring happiness to your life.

[00:43:52] And the second course that I have is going a little bit deeper in yourself.

[00:43:58] It's just based on love, but also not loving your partner.

[00:44:03] But first of all, loving yourself.

[00:44:04] So you set yourself up for a successful relationship.

[00:44:08] So getting to know yourself a little bit better and starting to love yourself no matter what.

[00:44:14] Like looking in the mirror and saying,

[00:44:17] I love you and meaning it is very challenging for many people.

[00:44:22] And after this course, we should be able to do that.

[00:44:25] Oh, wow.

[00:44:27] Yeah.

[00:44:27] I think self-love is not looked at enough by a lot of people.

[00:44:32] I mean, I think that's where everything starts.

[00:44:34] Because if you don't love yourself, then you can never be fully into anything, really.

[00:44:40] I just think it detracts from everything if you don't learn how to love yourself.

[00:44:45] Yes.

[00:44:45] And I personally think that if you don't love yourself, this is the reason for so many bad

[00:44:50] relationships because people who don't love themselves, they can't say no to what's not

[00:44:56] good for them.

[00:44:57] So if they're mistreated by someone, if the relationship is not good for them, if it's making them unhappy,

[00:45:04] they stay because they think they don't deserve better.

[00:45:08] And this is just a result of not loving yourself enough.

[00:45:12] Because if you would love yourself enough, you would just say like, hey, you're not treating me

[00:45:17] this way.

[00:45:18] And if you do, I walk away because you're taking away my happiness, my peace, the joy for my life.

[00:45:25] And you're not supposed to do that.

[00:45:28] But this not happening, that's just a result of missing self-love, in my opinion.

[00:45:34] I think you're right.

[00:45:36] Absolutely.

[00:45:37] Absolutely.

[00:45:38] So as we kind of wrap up today, is there anything that we haven't talked about that

[00:45:43] you want to make sure that the listeners get to hear?

[00:45:46] Well, I think that we are all, each and every one of us, we're all supposed to have the best

[00:45:52] life.

[00:45:54] And everybody should go out and do everything, really everything, to conquer this life that

[00:46:01] makes them fully happy.

[00:46:03] And they will support you and they will love you just the way you are.

[00:46:17] And once you, I don't know, have done the first steps on this path, every step you do is worth

[00:46:25] it and you know, because it feels right.

[00:46:28] So I think this is something that I would like everyone to just try and just go for it.

[00:46:34] Yeah, that's beautiful.

[00:46:36] Well, thank you.

[00:46:36] I appreciate all your wisdom and knowledge and that you were willing to come and share it with us.

[00:46:43] I love it.

[00:46:44] I love it.

[00:46:45] And I think it's so important always to light the little flame in the people so they would have the courage.

[00:46:53] Because I think when they see that it wasn't easy for others, like for me, for you, then they think they're not different and they can do it too.

[00:47:03] So I think it's very important that we share this.

[00:47:07] Absolutely.

[00:47:08] I love your mission.

[00:47:09] So thank you very much.

[00:47:11] Thank you very much for having me.

[00:47:13] It was great.

[00:47:14] Thank you.

[00:47:15] Bye-bye.

[00:47:16] As we wrap up today's episode, I hope Tina sharing her knowledge, experience and wisdom has helped you in some way.

[00:47:23] I am so glad that Tina shared the importance of going on a journey of self-discovery and self-healing.

[00:47:28] This journey entails a lot of things such as detoxing your body and your environment, as well as decluttering your physical spaces and your relationships.

[00:47:37] I thought that was really interesting.

[00:47:40] It also involves learning how to connect to yourself and learning self-love as well.

[00:47:44] It sounds like a journey that while some of us have already been, others of us still need to go.

[00:47:50] I hope you've enjoyed this show.

[00:47:52] I would love to hear from you.

[00:47:54] As always, I hope this episode helps at least one person.

[00:47:57] And with that, I hope you have a blessed week, my friend.

[00:48:04] Thank you for listening to The Beauty and the Mess.

[00:48:07] If you enjoyed what you heard, please share it with a friend.

[00:48:10] And if you haven't already, please subscribe, rate, and review this podcast on your favorite pod player.

[00:48:15] If you have any questions or comments, any topic ideas you would like to hear about, or you think you would be a great guest on the show,

[00:48:23] you can reach me directly at thebeautyandthemess.com.

[00:48:26] Thanks for listening.