Ep. 156 The Behaviors Keeping You Stuck (And How To Change Them) with Debbie Longo

[00:00:06] I'm Michele Simms and this is The Beauty in the Mess, a community where people who crave a shift in mindset, personal growth, and connection to like-minded people come together to start rewriting their stories. Through engaging, honest, and insightful conversations, the show will help you embrace the mess to recognize the meanings and the lessons it holds and discover its hidden treasures to help you start making a mindset shift. Let's listen, learn, and reclaim who we were meant to be.

[00:00:34] Hi friend, welcome to The Beauty in the Mess. Today's guest is Debbie Longo, a transformational and executive behavioral coach with more than 20 years of experience helping people break free from the patterns that keep them stuck. But her own journey began in a very different place. After battling a deep depression, Debbie met a mentor who completely changed the direction of her life. That experience not only transformed her personally, but it also became the foundation for the work she now does with individuals, leaders, and organizations.

[00:01:03] In this conversation, we explore how behaviors, perceptions, and thought patterns shape the lives we create. We talk about burnout, emotional resilience, limiting beliefs, and workplace culture, and why lasting change often begins with changing the way we see ourselves and the world around us. Whether you're feeling stuck, navigating a difficult season, or simply looking for a fresh perspective on personal growth, I think you'll find something in this conversation that speaks to you. Hi, I'm Michele Simms, your host.

[00:01:32] I'm just a regular person who, like so many others, has faced my fair share of messes. Life hasn't always been neat or easy, but it's taught me a lot, and somewhere along the way I got deeply curious. How do other people make it through their messes and not just survive, but thrive? That started my pursuit. I started searching for stories, wisdom, and real strategies, not only for myself, but for anyone looking for a better way forward.

[00:01:57] Maybe there's a faster way, a softer way, a more human way, and maybe we don't have to figure this out alone. I believe we grow through shared stories, lived wisdom, and the beautiful mess of being human. So welcome to the conversation. I'm so glad you're here. Please join me for episode 156 of The Beauty in the Mess called The Behaviors Keeping You Stuck and How to Change Them with Debbie Longo. So without further ado, let's get into it. Hi, Debbie. Welcome to The Beauty and the Mess.

[00:02:26] I'm so grateful to have you with me today. And thank you for having me. Absolutely. Now, I know you're an executive behavioral coach, but before we kind of dig into what exactly you help people with, I was wondering if you could tell us some of your background story. Like what led you down this path? Sure. I was at a point in my life where I had a very low bottom and one of the bottoms being a very bad depression.

[00:02:55] And I met this woman and her name is Ruthie. And she was my spiritual teacher for 20 years, 21 years. And she passed away in 2021 of cancer, stage four cancer. Oh, wow. So, yeah. So during that time, she helped me and I got better. And we did all this, a lot of stuff, internal work, all kinds of things. Right. And then she says, do you know that you have this gift too?

[00:03:24] So I said, well, what gift? She goes to help people just like I'm doing now. And I was like, really? I had no idea. Wow. So today she would be called a coach, but she called herself like a spiritual teacher or something like that, like a teacher. That's basically how she phrased herself or whatever. So we wound up working together and we did lectures, all kinds of stuff.

[00:03:51] We did lectures, one-on-one groups, all kinds of things we did. And that was how I got my experience. So then when she passed away, she's talking this like 20 years, I've been doing this for a long time, over 20 years. So when she passed away, then I figured I would go on and do my own thing. Right. Which I kind of was doing, but I developed a business. I started a business and everything.

[00:04:18] And then it was COVID and I was in New York. I'm not in New York anymore. That's where I was my whole life. So then there was problems with the executives and the companies and the business owners saying, oh, all my employees are leaving. Nobody's coming to work. My company's going bankrupt because I have no employees.

[00:04:46] I have no clients, all this stuff. And none of this stuff is true. This is not the reason. Okay. And the reason is because that business owner knew that that was going to happen. Okay. So therefore, because he pictured that, he envisioned that, right? That because there was no employees, he was not going to have any business.

[00:05:12] And then because he thought that, he pictured that, that is exactly what happened. Because I'm going to ask you, the big tech companies, big, big, big companies. Did they go out of business during COVID? Did they lose sales? Did their employees quit? No. No. So why? And it doesn't have anything to do with this.

[00:05:40] They have a good product and all that stuff has nothing to do with that. So why do certain companies, and there was also small companies that didn't go out of business, whatever, right? But why did certain companies go out of business and other companies didn't? So I heard hearing all this stuff, right? On the news and everything. And I knew that none of this was true. This is not the way it is and everything, right? Right. So that's why I started helping executives and business owners.

[00:06:08] And that's basically, I mean, there's a lot more to it than that, but that's basically the story in a nutshell. But I started out as a life coach, but now it's like, you got to do something specific when you got to target a specific audience and all this stuff. And it really is not the way that it really goes in my, in my industry, in my specific way that I do it, right? Because I focus mainly on behavior.

[00:06:35] So it's not really about helping executives in tech companies or something. That's not what it really is. So the point is that I just named executive behavioral coach. I was helping executives and transformational coach supposedly is too broad. I don't know. This whole thing with like this marketing and all this stuff, right? So, but I have two shows.

[00:07:04] One show is behavioral profit and it is about how companies turn their company around by changing their behavior. Okay. Or their company does better or something like that, right? Like a story, right? And by changing their past having to do with the business owner's behavior. That's what behavioral profit is. And then internal shift show is basically the same thing, just with like a regular person.

[00:07:33] Just about negative to positive. Tell me a story about what happened to you, how you got through it, the process and the end result. Oh, I feel great. Worked out great. Blah, blah, blah, that stuff. So that's really what I'm doing now. But there's a lot of stuff I'm in the middle of doing. I'm starting to, the ball is starting to get rolling now. So that's basically it. That's awesome. I want to ask in your example of the business owner that was, had his business during COVID and lost it.

[00:08:03] And you said, because he thought those thoughts, that's why he ended up losing it. So are you referring to like, it changed his behavior because he was thinking that way or, or manifestation of some sort? Right. Well, the problem is that it is kind of manifesting. But the point is that manifesting is like, it just like turned. I know what the whole history of it is. It just turned into its own animal.

[00:08:30] It just went like crazy in tons of different directions. And I have told totally, completely different stories, tons of stories about this. But this is all stuff that I teach. Okay. Where you can form, I don't use the word manifesting, even though technically that's what it is. Okay. You can form a thought in your mind. Okay. And that you can say that is what's happening, even though it's not. So I want to buy a house.

[00:08:59] I live in like a little apartment, whatever. And I have a dream, right? I want to buy a house, right? And I can do it financially. I can do it. So now I'm looking online and I'm looking at houses and I'm saying, I want to buy a house. I'm definitely going to buy a house. Now I look at online. I look at the driveway. I picture my car being in the driveway. I'm looking, you can do like a tour online where you go into all the rooms.

[00:09:27] And I would say, oh, my China cabinet can go here in the living room. And then my couch can go here and all this stuff. So I'm like doing all of this online. I'm sitting on my couch. I'm not even there yet. Okay. And I'm telling myself when I do that, I put all the furniture in the house. The furniture is not in that house. The furniture is at my house. Okay. But when I picture all of the furniture, and this is why this stuff is very good to do.

[00:09:56] When I picture all of the furniture, I'm literally going through every room and tell every, taking every piece of my furniture and putting it in that room. And it's not physically there. Okay. So what happens is when I'm literally doing that is what's really happening, but it's not physically happening. So the mental thing happens first and then the physical thing, that's how it works. That's how it works with everything. Okay. Or a thought turns into an action. I mean, there's like a million different ways of saying this.

[00:10:27] Okay. But which, like I said, technically it's manifesting, but that has so many different definitions now. So I call it like when you picture something. Okay. When you think that it's there, when you can envision it in your mind, different things like that. Right. To make it sound a little bit more exact that people can really say. So then you say, Oh, I got all this stuff. I got everything in the house.

[00:10:56] I could put all my furniture fits perfectly in the house. Okay. Now I'm going to call the realtor and I'm going to go to the, to go. She's going to, she's going to, I'm going to meet her and I want to go into the house. So I go into the house and it's exactly the way that it is online. No different. It's perfect. And then I say, okay, I want to buy it. I buy it. And what do I do? I take all my furniture. I'm moving. It's moving day.

[00:11:19] I take all my furniture and I put it in that house exactly the way that I put it into the computer. Exactly. In the house. What is it called? Not walk through the tour online. Okay. And that is, I put the furniture in that exact spot. Why? Because by doing that, I made the furniture there. Okay. So there was no thinking. There was, you know what I mean? There was nothing to think about.

[00:11:49] I just told the movers, put this, put my China cabinet here, put the entertainment center here. There was no thinking because I already had it in the house when I put it into, when I pictured it onto the computer, it was already in the house, even though it physically was not there. When I buy a car, I go, Oh, I really want to buy it. My friend has a really nice Buick and I really, really like it. So I want to go see if I could buy it.

[00:12:19] It's a good price and all this stuff. So I go online and I look at all the cars and I'm like, Oh, this is a really nice car. And then I picture myself driving it. I picture myself driving it to work, driving it to the supermarket, all these different places. Right. And then I go in and I envision this all in my mind. This I'm not even at the place yet. I go in and I say to the guy, Oh, I want to, I want to see about this car. I want to buy it. Maybe I want to drive it and all this stuff.

[00:12:47] So I drive it and everything is perfect. And I said, it works out great. It drives great. It's exactly going to be great for me. It's just like I envisioned it. And I buy it. Right. All right. We do this all the time. We, you can do it with a job. We do this all the time. I go online. I look for a job. I'm in my living room. I'm sitting on my couch.

[00:13:16] I'm not driving anywhere. I'm looking for a job. Sorry. And I go online and I say, Oh, I want to get a job. So, Oh, this is a really nice. This is a good job. This is like in my industry. Let's say I'm like a nurse or something. Right. Right. And Oh, and it's a nice doctor's office or something like that. So then I look at the doctor's office or the building, wherever I'm working. Right now I go on to, I don't want to say the name, but I go on to the internet where

[00:13:44] you could look at the building. So I want to say, Oh, this is before I go on the interview before anything. I'd say, Oh, I want to fill out the application. So I do all the information and everything. And then I say, Oh, let me see where it is. So I want to go on. And this is things that I want to do. Okay. This is very important things. So, and you could do this all on the computer. You don't have to go there.

[00:14:13] You can, if you want, but it's to me, it's easier to do on the computer. So you could go in law and you could look at street, street view, and you could go on your computer up and down the street. Okay. So I could go to that building, put in the address. I go to that building and I could look around the street. I could look around the building, around the outside of the building. And I could say, wow. I say, if I get a job here, I could drive this way. I could drive this street, that street.

[00:14:43] I could park here. Okay. I can go in this door to get into the building. Okay. And I could do all of this on my computer while I'm sitting in my living room on my couch. Right. Okay. It, to me, it's easier than going there because you're driving, you know what I mean? And you don't know what's what, you know what I mean? You're driving all around. You could do that if you want. But the point is that I want to be able to have to, to envision it in my mind.

[00:15:12] I want to be able to have, have it in my mind where I know 100% that that is going to happen. It is happening now. That's the trick you want to say, because if I say, I want to buy a car, oh, the car is going to be. So you have to really look at the terminology. Got to be like really specific. Oh, not, oh, I want to buy a car. Oh, maybe I'm going to drive it to work. Maybe this and that.

[00:15:41] Well, you buy the car to drive it to work. You know what I mean? You're not going to buy a car and say, oh, maybe I'm going to drive it to work. No, you're going to say, I want to buy this car and I'm going to drive it to work. Okay. So by you saying, I'm going to drive it to work, I'm going to buy the car, or I bought the car. I didn't even buy the car yet. I didn't even look at the car. I didn't even get off my couch, but the car is in my, is at work.

[00:16:11] Right. Right. Right. It's in the parking lot and I didn't even buy it yet. Okay. And this is what happens when this is what business owners are doing. This is what happens when you, and like I said, the terminology is important. And this is what happens when you think in a negative way, right? You get a negative response. Okay. You get, you do a negative action, you get a negative action back. Okay.

[00:16:40] So if I say something positive, then it'll come true. There is no reason why. I mean, nobody's saying that you have $5,000 in the bank with no credit and you're going to buy a $200,000 car. That's not reality. Right. All right. You, you want to say, I know this is what I can afford, or I'm not sure. Whatever. There's the car dealership and they have 50 different makes or something.

[00:17:07] So there's something there, or you could just picture a car or you could picture a specific car. I'm just giving an example. I mean, I could go on for hours and hours. There's tons of examples of this. So I'm just giving you three, three basic things like car, job, house, different things like that. Right. And this is what I want to do. So the terminology is very important. I am there.

[00:17:31] I bought the house and I am there, even though I'm not physically there because the physical thing is the last thing that happens. People think it's the first thing. It's not. It's not because you have to have a thought. And how do you create that thought? Do you create it negative or positive? Do you go online and find a job, look for a job and say, I'm not going to find a job. I'm not going to find a job. A lot of people do that. Right. While they're looking for a job.

[00:17:59] But is it because we're training our brain to focus on certain things? I mean, it's not magic, right? Right. No. We're training our brain to look for it. Exactly. Exactly. And that's what happens when you change the behavior. And that's exactly what you're saying. It's just, like I said, I explain it in a different way. And this is all stuff that I teach. All of it. I've been teaching it for a long time. And I know from myself too, but I know it works 100%.

[00:18:27] But it's just a matter of somebody who's negative and who's on the fence and their whole life is like that. And now they have a business and now their business, how is their business going to do? You know what I mean? If they're negative their whole life, it's like ridiculous. Are they going to really believe that? So that's the thing. But do you want to wait to a point where you get to a point where it's COVID or it's a pandemic or something?

[00:18:54] And your business is not, this is what's happening to your business. And it's not because of that. And they don't know that. Right. But so we don't want it to get to that point where it's bankruptcy or something like that. Right. We don't want it to get to that point. How do you, like when you go into a, say a bigger business, how do you change the group mindset?

[00:19:22] Or do you, I mean, do you just change it one person at a time or? Right. So when somebody comes to me, a business owner or whoever, we do a whole series of things. We do like questionnaires and surveys and different things. Right. And then I say, what's your goal or what do you want to accomplish? Or why do you want that? Why do you want me to help you? Whatever. And then I say, I make a whole plan for them.

[00:19:51] I lay it all out. Okay. Pretty much as much as I can. I don't do details, but I do as much as they need to know. And then I say, okay, this amount of time, maybe like X amount of months to X amount of months, whatever. Okay. We're going to get this accomplished. And this is the roadmap. This is how we're going to do it. Right. And I give them the whole picture on paper or computer or email or whatever. Okay.

[00:20:16] Now, if they, if it's a situation where it's the company, then yeah, I'm going to recommend that if the business owner says, well, I just want to help too. It's going to be whatever he says, because I'm not going to tell him he's telling me. Right. Right. So he's, he'll say, oh no, no, I don't need, there's no, I don't need, I just want to help my, I just want to see if there's a problem or I just want to help myself or something like

[00:20:46] that. So I said, okay. So then as I'm helping him, he's going to go, oh, wow, this really works. And I feel really good and all this stuff. Right. So then I kind of insert little things like, oh, how's your, so we're talking about, we'll talk about things like we'll do one-on-ones or whatever. So then he'll talk about his employees. So then I'll say, oh, how's your employee doing? Maybe they could, maybe I could have a session with them or something like that.

[00:21:15] And this is very, very gradual. This is incorporated into a conversation. This is not something where it's like, whatever they want, that's what I do. Okay. We know that's not how it's going to work out, but that's, that, that's how it has to be presented. Okay. So then he'll say, so now it knows it works on him. Right. So then he'll say, oh yeah, yeah. Maybe my employee does need that. Okay. So now I got one employee. I'm not trying to sell myself.

[00:21:44] It's not about me, me trying to get all the money I had from the company. That's not what I'm trying to do, but this is a way of me trying to help the company, right? Without the business owner being overwhelmed and saying, oh, I got to help my whole company and I'm not going to do that. And it's too overwhelming. You can't do that. Right. Right. So then I helped the one employee and then they say, oh, wow. The employee says, oh, wow. I feel good.

[00:22:11] She tells all the other employees in the whole company or everybody that she's working with now they all are in. Yeah. Right. You see what I'm saying? Right. So the proof is in the pudding. That's the thing. It's not like I want to become a doctor and I go to school and there's proof that if I go to school, I do my internship, I'm a doctor. That's not how this is. There's really no proof or anything. You know what I'm saying?

[00:22:37] It's all about just knowledge and theories and behavior change and all that stuff and whatever, whatever you want to relate it to. But the person has to get a result in order for me to really be effective. And I know I can do that, but it really depends on how far. And that could be for, like I said, because I used to do life coach for a long time. So that could be the individual or a spouse or a family member or something like that.

[00:23:07] I mean, there's like tons of examples of this. So, so I mean, there's a lot of, there's a lot of stuff. It's a good question. You know what I mean? But there's, it really depends on the situation. It depends on the scenario. Maybe the company doesn't need that. Maybe they just need one. Maybe they just need the boss. Most likely that's most of the time that's not the case, but it's a possibility or something like that. Maybe the boss works alone. I don't know.

[00:23:34] But nine times out of 10, I usually can get the employees most of the time. Not all the time, but most of the time I can usually get the employees. But the boss has to be convinced. Right. You know, that's the only way. Yeah, I guess I was thinking of my, my own situation away. I work in a huge facility and, and my perception, it's literally a man's world, right? I mean, I'll even tell you that.

[00:24:03] But I'm wondering, as I'm talking to you, I'm wondering how much am I perceiving it and then training myself to perceive it even more versus, because I even have men tell me they see the same stuff I do. So I, I'm, I was just curious, like if someone can make their own situation better, even say the company and the other employees don't change. Can you still make your own situation better? Right. So here's the thing. Okay.

[00:24:33] Everything is about perception. Right. So the only, excuse me, the only thing that's not perception is something that can be proven, which is usually math or science. That's it. Okay. I could say to you, your shirt is Navy and you would say, no, it's not. It's black. That's neither one of us is right or wrong. I picture it as Navy. You picture it as black and that's it.

[00:25:01] So when my behavior changes and my perception changes, okay. Then I start, then everything looks different because my perception has changed. Right. So now everybody looked is different. So now I start to make decisions in a different way. And those decisions now have different outcomes, have outcomes. Okay.

[00:25:31] Which are going to be different than if I didn't change my behavior. Okay. And I didn't change my perception. So in order for me to change my perception, I have to change my behavior. In order for me to do that, I have to create willingness. I have to say, well, maybe there's something wrong. Well, I'm not sure. Well, I definitely have to do something, whatever. Okay. I have to create some type of willingness to do it. And then somebody can help the individual with whatever it is. And that's how they start the process.

[00:26:01] All right. Of changing. Okay. And when that happens, everybody that makes me angry, all of a sudden is perfectly fine. No problems at all. I can't tell you how many people I know that I've helped that have said, oh, I can't stand this one. My mother-in-law, she's really a witch or whatever. Right. And then they like name the whole family. And then I work with them.

[00:26:30] I change their behavior. Everything goes great. And then they hang out with these same people, the family. And they tell me, they're like, oh, they're not that bad. So is it because they're changing? The other person is changing also? No, the other person's not changing. Okay. So it's just how they're perceiving it, I guess. The other person did nothing. The other person's not changing. The other person's not going to change. If they do, that's great.

[00:26:58] But that's not what we're paying attention. Right. That's not what we're paying attention. So one little thing that somebody did, let's say somebody was coughing a lot or something, right? That little thing might bother you. Okay. Or complaining a lot or something. That little thing might bother you. But if I change my behavior and I change my perception, all of a sudden that doesn't bother me at all. And that person's perfectly fine to hang out with.

[00:27:27] Whereas before, right. Whereas before, if the person was complaining, it bothered me and I couldn't stand to hang out with them. I wouldn't even go to like family functions because I didn't want to be around them because all they did was complain. That's the difference. How long does it take to change your behavior like that? Right. That's the question. Is it just. That's the, that's why. Yeah.

[00:27:53] That's why I do the, make the outline, create the roadmap. That's why I do that. Because when I do that with somebody and I do all this, it's not just, I don't know what I do it for free. Okay. I don't charge them because then they're going to look at it and they're going to say, it's not like intimidating or anything, but it's going to be laid out where they could, they be able to see the whole picture. Okay. And then I say, okay, you could look at it, you know, let me know whenever you want to

[00:28:23] do something, whatever. So then they're going to say, wow, do I want to do this? Right. Because so there's no surprises. There's no secrets. I'm not coming up with anything. And when I do that, then I have some idea. I can't tell you exactly, but I can give you maybe like a ballpark based on if you do this with me, right? If you stay on the program with me, right? The way that it's laid out.

[00:28:51] That's why I lay everything out in the roadmap. Okay. But if you do it the way the roadmap says, then I could give you a ballpark. But if you fall off and you don't do it or you stop and start or whatever, or you don't feel good for a week or two, then the time is going to be different now. You, since you're kind of a, or you are a behavioral expert, why do people start? And then, I mean, you can be gung ho and then you just quit. Why do we do that?

[00:29:22] Well, I'm going to tell you. There's a lot of reasons. One reason I could think of only because I have this situation. I've had it happen to me. Let's put it that way. Is a lot of times people are so negative for so long and they sat in this one behavior and they love it when they change. And the problem is they love it too much and it scares them.

[00:29:50] And now they want to go back to the old behavior. But once you don't taste of the good, why would you want to go? Right, right. Exactly. Right. Because they get scared that, because they, you ever hear of like the first step is a giant step? Yeah. Okay. So they could put something in their head or they could be scared for some reason. Okay. Maybe of something that's going to happen or scared of being too successful or something

[00:30:20] like that. And then when they get scared like that, then they back off and they say, oh no, I don't want, I don't know if this is going to work out. It's just too much for me to handle. And then once that happens, they haven't finished the road. They haven't finished the program, everything that I created. Right. So then what happens, because then at the end, I teach you how to do it yourself. That's the whole point to the whole roadmap and the plan and all this stuff. Right. So I teach you how to do it yourself.

[00:30:48] But if they don't reach the end of it or their goal or whatever it was that we discussed, then they're going to go backwards. That's the problem because they have to complete the whole thing. Right. Okay. That's the whole point to it. You can't just do like, if I say, okay, we're going to do like 10 sessions or something, we could do 20 sessions or 10 sessions. 10 sessions is going to get you here in like a certain amount of time, whatever. 20 sessions will get you here. Something like that.

[00:31:16] Or if they want to break it up, if they want a whole spiel, a whole package or whatever, I could give them everything, whatever. It just, that really, really depends on the scenario. So that's the point. So if they get to a spot, right, let's say we want to do 10 sessions. If they get to five sessions, because you're going to start to see progress right away. Very quickly. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Because it happens very quickly.

[00:31:44] So they're going to do five sessions and then they're going to say, put the brakes on. I don't know about this. I'm feeling too good. I don't like it. So then they stop. And what's going to happen then? Well, we said the roadmap was going to be 10 sessions, but we only completed five sessions. So what's going to happen now? We didn't finish. So now I can't show them the whole thing because we didn't finish the whole thing.

[00:32:15] Okay. So now I'm going to say, they're going to say, oh, let's stop. I'm going to say, okay. Then they're going to start to go backwards. And now they're going to go back to their old behavior again. And then they call me six months later. And guess what happens now? We will start the whole thing all over again. Oh, sure. Yeah. So how long does it take if they do change and they're going down the path? How long does it take to become a habit, so to speak, a new habit?

[00:32:44] Because I've heard all kinds of things all over the place. I mean, just from your experience, does it take a month or two for people to get the habit of of doing differently? Nope. Right away. Right away. Not the way that I teach it. Somebody else might teach it different because I'm going to just let you know, if you can find a coach or whatever I call myself today, if you could find somebody like me that does

[00:33:12] it the way that I do it, I would be very surprised. You should let me know because I haven't found anybody that does it like exactly like how I do it. Wow. Okay. Because I take everything that she taught me that Ruthie taught me. And then I have other stuff too. Right. And I have other training and all this stuff in that. I put that stuff all together. I put it like, it's like all a big mishmash, like you're baking a cake and it comes out perfectly. And the way that I do it right.

[00:33:40] And that's why I have the roadmap because as we go through it, you're going to start to feel good and you feel good right away. Just little things that I teach you. Very, very simple things. Very simple. Things you could do. It takes 30 seconds to a minute. That's it. So then you do things gradually and this is the way you do it. As you do it, as you go through the sessions or the program or whatever, you do everything gradually. And then gradually you start to feel good.

[00:34:08] You start to feel better, feel better, feel better. Right. Right. And then the plan is done. The whole thing is done. And then I say, okay, now you're going to practice this, this, this, and this. You're already doing it. So it doesn't, you already know. And that's what you're going to do. And then you're going to say, okay, I'm going to do it now. And I'm going to say, okay. And then you're going to do that every single day. And not only will the person, it could be an individual person. It doesn't matter. Or a business owner. It doesn't matter.

[00:34:38] Not only will the person or the business owner be successful, they will be at the top of their industry. Wow. Okay. If they do it the, the way that I teach it plus more. Okay. Cause I could add a lot of pluses to it. I can teach a thousand things to do. So the more you do, the more it's going to benefit you. Okay.

[00:35:04] So you could be at the top of your industry, the top of your game, the top of your career, whatever. And nobody's going to know what happened to you. Nobody's going to know who you are. Nobody's going to believe it. And nobody's going to understand it. And you will 100% understand it and get it and everything. And you will be laughing inside yourself. Wow.

[00:35:29] You will be laughing because the world is not supposed to be this way. It is not supposed to be difficult. People's lives are supposed to be very easy. Okay. Not difficult at all. Okay. We make everything difficult for ourselves. Okay. And that's, and so we don't have to do that. Okay.

[00:35:59] So we can have an easy life, a nice life. Everything's positive. I have a good family, nice house, all this stuff. Right. Or we could make it harder for ourselves. Okay. And that's the individual's choice because there are a lot of people. First of all, you can get sick and you could look this up on the internet. There's tons of research on this, all kinds of stuff. Stress gives you heart attack, heart disease. That's the number one cause now is stress. Right.

[00:36:28] I mean, there's a lot of stuff about this and people are looking for, and I'm not saying don't go to doctors, go if you need to go. Absolutely. Absolutely. But a lot of people are looking for alternative measures. And that's why all this stuff, all the alternative healing, right? And all these different things and coaching and all these different things that we're doing now, this is all working for people.

[00:36:54] It's just a fact because if the doctors can't help you and if they can, that's great. And if you go, that's great, but they can't help everybody. Right. That's just a fact. And so people are getting a lot of relief from all of these different, these new things that we have out now. Some things aren't new, but they're actually, they're really not new to tell you the truth, but they've just become popular, whatever.

[00:37:24] But that's the whole spiel. Is this making sense? Yeah, I think so. You made me think though, are you also saying that if someone's in a high, a stress environment, you can help them perceive it differently? Mm-hmm. Oh no, they would take all, their stress would be gone. Completely gone. Wow. That's a big claim. Completely gone. Where they don't even recognize themselves. Wow.

[00:37:55] They would, they have no, would have no idea. First of all, they wouldn't be able to picture it. If I tell them this, they would laugh at me. They would hang up the phone and the zoom call. And because they would never be able to picture it, but I can because I've done it. I've done it. So is it just changing their perception then? Yeah. Changing your mindset. Yeah. Yeah. But the perception is, the perception is how you perceive yourself.

[00:38:24] But that also has a factor of how you perceive other people, the world around you. And that affects your behavior. Okay. That's a lot of times what the perception is. But your, your behavior and your mindset, right. Is going to change. Excuse me. And that will get rid of stress and whatever the person is, was coming to me for.

[00:38:50] Because that's what happens when you do alternative healing and different things like that. That's what happens. That's why people do it. Because, you know what I mean? Because they go to the doctors and the doctors are like, oh, okay, we're going to try this and that. And it's just not working. And they just got to get out of, they got to get out of it because they're just in a not in good spot. Right. So that's why. Around behavior, right? Right. Okay. That's where it starts.

[00:39:20] Right. That's why I'm doing my behavioral profit show is a podcast. Right. And I'm using that as a, like, I'm going to use that as like the title, like my theme. Okay. Behavioral profit. The title of, I'm going to put that on the, as a title of everything. And then my name is going to be like a secondary, like by Debbie Longo or something like that. Right.

[00:39:49] It's going to be like a secondary thing. So the behavioral profit is going to be like what people see. Different things like that. Right. So, so that's, but like I said, I do regular coaching. That's why I have the other show, but I'm really focusing on the behavioral profit, but I could do anything, but there's a lot of problems with companies in business and different things like that. Oh, absolutely. But I mean, I've been, yeah. I mean, I've been doing life coaching for, like I said, over 20, the whole entire time.

[00:40:17] I've been doing life coaching the whole time over 20 years. Is there really much difference between coaching someone personally or coaching them through a business like? That really depends on not most of the time. No. Okay. Because that really depends on what their goal is. It doesn't have to do with what type of business it is, but it's just that if it's a business owner, they're going to have a different goal. We'll look, you know what I mean? We're looking for a different outcome.

[00:40:45] So I mean, a lot of it's probably self changing your own behavior, regardless of what situation you're in. Right. Right. Yeah. Because right. Because that's where it's going to start anyway. But so the only difference is that the goal or the plan or the roadmap is going to be to grow their business or increase sales and profits, which is really what the ultimate goal is. Right. But if I'm helping somebody individually, their roadmap might be, oh, I'm a secretary when

[00:41:15] I want to be an executive one day or something like that. Right. Or I'm a janitor and I want to be like a manager. And that's so it's really the same thing. It's just the roadmap is going to be different, but it's really it's based on all the same stuff. Believe it or not. I know. No, I know. This sounds a little bit hard to believe. Believe. So how I'm just wondering, is it the 10 sessions that can help a person get make that kind of change?

[00:41:43] Or is that more like a 20 or 30 session? Oh, I don't know. I'm just I was just saying anything. OK. Yeah. I was just giving an example. I have no idea. I wouldn't know. And so we do the consultation. OK. Yeah. I would have no idea when I do that. Then I could tell you I could give you all the any details you want. It could be five sessions. It could be 10. It could be 20. It depends on where you want, how far you want to go to. Right. You know what I mean? I was just giving an example of somebody going backwards.

[00:42:13] I was just trying to relate how long it would take a person to make because those are pretty big changes. Do you think? Right. No, they're not big. I was going to say, at least they seem big. No, they're not big. OK. They're not. You think they are and they seem like they are, which is normal, right? For you to think so. Right. But that's because. Yeah. But that's because you're not there.

[00:42:40] So if you were there and you were going through the process, then you would see how fast the changes happen. So let me ask you wouldn't think it's a big deal. Go ahead. Let me ask you this. I feel like we're programmed by society on a lot of stuff. Yeah. So how much of our problems do you think comes from that programming? Yeah. Well, that's based on your perception. OK.

[00:43:06] And this is one of the problems that we have. And this is why my work and any type of you talk, anybody professional or anybody that you're talking about behavior and all this stuff is so important because we don't want that to affect us. Because some people it affects and some people it doesn't. Why? Because the people that it doesn't affect, they don't let them. They don't let it affect them.

[00:43:34] But if you if it does affect you, then you need specific training. To learn how to get rid of that all the time. OK. And then it will not bother you. So right. So this is going to depend on not only what your perception is. Right. But who do you what is your environment like? Who do you deal with every day? Right. Who do you interact with every day? Right.

[00:44:03] And then if we start with not we're not going to start with like this is your problem and you have to change it right away. Right. And that's the only way you're going to beat the goal. That's not how we do it. So it's just done very gradually. So so what is your and this is all done with the plan, the roadmap, everything. Right. So what is your environment like? You go to work. Right. I have a lot of specific questions. You go to work. Who do you work with? How many employees? What do you do at work?

[00:44:33] All these different things. Right. What is your environment like? Right. Because what we're going to do is we're going to change your environment, but the environment's not going to change. You're going to go to the same job every day. It's going to be the same people. You're going to have the same boss. You're going to go to the same water cooler every day. You're going to go to the same. You're going to do everything the same. But that your life and that job is now completely different.

[00:45:04] It almost sounds like magic. Yeah. I'm envisioning my own workplace as you say this. And I'm like, I'm thinking that would be wild to have the same job, be doing the same thing with the same people. Yeah. But experiencing it completely different. Exactly. And that's what happens when somebody changes their behavior. And I've done it hundreds of times. Hundreds.

[00:45:33] So I know that. And I know that I had this business and it's doing great. You know what I mean? It did great. And now I just haven't. I just had made a name. That's it. That's really all I did. But I had this business with my, with Ruthie for a long time. It was just a weird, it wasn't weird, but it just happened. She was only sick for like a year, maybe like a year, a little under two years, a year to two years.

[00:46:01] She wasn't really sick for that long. So it's kind of like a surprise kind of thing. And then she was supposed to get better. She was getting better, but then she didn't want to do the chemo. So she just, she could have, she could have gotten better, but she just wanted to die. Wow. So that was the thing. Well, the chemo is a lot. It's very painful. Yeah. It's a lot. And that's been, yeah. Yeah. So she didn't want to, she was old, 79 years old. I don't think that's old, but she was 79 and she just didn't want to do it.

[00:46:30] And that's it when she wanted to die. And I was like, okay, well then that's what you want to do. Then that's what you should do. That was the whole thing. So it's kind of like a surprise kind of thing, but either way, that's an example, right? Is that I didn't have the actual, I didn't have the actual name. I didn't have, I had the business, but I didn't have it formed. I didn't have it set up like legally and stuff like I do now. Right. Right.

[00:46:57] But I had the business, but I physically didn't have the business name or anything like that. Right. So that's the thing. So all I had to do was just say, oh, let's make the name. Let's do this. Let's do that. Right. There wasn't any thinking because I already had a business, but that business did not physically exist. Right. Does that make sense? Yeah. Right. In the legal sense. Yeah. Right. In the car, remember the example with the car, with the job, right? With the house.

[00:47:26] Okay. I don't buy something, but I'm telling myself I already bought it. Right. I'm doing that by picturing this thing in my life, the car in the driveway, in my job, in my house. Okay. The house with the furniture on the computer. I'm picturing this happening. So in my mind, this is happening, even though it's not physically happening.

[00:47:54] And when I changed my mindset now, now, or everybody at work is the same, right? Like I said, right? Everything is the same, but because you change your, your, your behavior and your mindset, right now, your perception changes. Right. And now everybody looks different. Okay. Or your perception is different. Nobody's actually different. Okay.

[00:48:21] What they're doing and how they're doing it and how they're talking to you and how they're acting and everything is not different. Right. They are doing everything exactly the same, but you look at it differently.

[00:48:39] Now you say, well, this person used to bite her nails and I couldn't stand sitting next to her or eating lunch with her or something because all I was doing was looking at her biting her nails. So now my, I go through the process. My, my behavior changed, my perception changed, whatever. And now I say, I don't even, I don't even, doesn't even bother me. I don't even know she's doing it. Oh, wow. And then I say, wow.

[00:49:08] I say like at lunch with her, like four months later, I'm like, you're still biting your nails? And she's like, yeah. I'm like, oh, I don't even know you're doing it. Wow. Okay. Right. And that's, this is the type of stuff that this is all the things that we want to change. This is not something that, that was a cookie cutter thing. Right. This is not. Yeah. Like this is how you bake a cake. When you get some flour and water and chocolate, whatever you want to get.

[00:49:38] That's not what this is. This is all stuff that we put it together. You do it. I help you whatever, however we're going to do it. Right. And then you're going to see it as you go along. Okay. It's not, it is a recipe, but it's not like, you know, it's not like you're making a cake because you're going to see it as you go along and you don't know what's going to, what's going to, how it's going to be until you actually see it with a cake.

[00:50:07] You make a chocolate cake, you know how to make it. It comes out like a chocolate cake and that's it. The people often act or relate to you that they're very surprised in their own behavioral changes or. All the time. Yeah. All the time. They're shocked. They can't believe it. Because even if there's little changes, when you get to the end of the program or the roadmap, then you're like, bam. Like you're like, you got a lot of stuff starts happening. Right.

[00:50:36] And then they're like, oh my God. And that's when they start realizing that all these people that have bothered them. I'm just using this as one example. Right. All these people that have bothered them don't bother them anymore. That would be pretty amazing in itself. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, these people, they didn't change nothing. They didn't change. You didn't change. You changed, but your environment didn't change. They didn't change nothing. They had exactly the same people doing the exact same thing. And we don't want anybody.

[00:51:05] We don't want, because here's what's going to happen. You're going to have the same job 20 times. You're going to have the same husband five times. Okay. Did you ever hear somebody say, oh, I was married five times. I married John five times. Did you ever hear somebody say that? Right. I haven't heard that, but I can admit. Yeah. That means, right. That means that their first husband was John. That was a bad, that she got a divorce.

[00:51:35] That was a bad relationship. It ended badly. Then she married another guy with a, his name was Jack. Okay. And it was the same situation, just like with John. Right. Gets a divorce. Now she marries somebody else. Same situation, just like with John gets a divorce. Right. So she does that five times in her life. So she says, I married John five times. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:52:01] A lot of people repeat the same behaviors or the same. Right. Yeah. Right. I got fired from five jobs in five years. Why did I get fired from? Oh, well, it's the boss. It's the job. It's the commute. I could point the finger. I could say it's anything. But if I got, if I got fired five times in five years, then do you think there's a problem? Right. Do you think it's the boss? Do you think it's the job?

[00:52:30] Do you think it's the commute? Right. But people want to keep saying that. Okay. So then they'll keep saying it. They can, that's completely up to the individual. But sometimes people get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Right. But people can change way, way. This is nothing. What I am saying is so simple. The examples that I am giving are baby examples, very simple examples, just so you could understand

[00:52:58] just a little bit of it, even though you really can't. These are just very, very small examples. What somebody can accomplish, which I've done hundreds of times is completely over the top. Completely. That's amazing. Really? I know. Why? Why? Because this world is negative, right? And we're trying to get rid of it. So if I'm not negative and you're not negative and everybody around us is negative, you see what I'm saying?

[00:53:28] And that doesn't bother us. Okay. Then we have a different type of thinking. We have a different type of behavior. We have a different type of mindset than everybody around us because they're all negative. Right. Right. So now we can succeed like way over the top. That's the thing. That's amazing. Really? I know.

[00:53:57] Now, if you can do a mass on a lot of people, I work in a very negative place. I'll have you come in, change everybody. Yeah. That would be awesome. You could easily do it as long as they want to do it because I give things to do because this is not something where like a lot of coaches, like they'll say, oh, let's have a session. They'll talk and blah, blah, blah. And that'll be it. And then they, that's it. They just talk.

[00:54:25] I do a whole thing where you can do this on your own. Right? So then I give you the roadmap, whatever it is. And then at the end, if you finish the program, which hopefully you will, then you'll get everything that you need to do on your own and that's it. And then you do it. And then if you don't do it, then you'll be calling me again. But if you do it right, then you won't be right. Cause I don't want to, I love everybody and I want to talk to everybody and I could talk

[00:54:54] for hours and hours and I have no problems with it at all. But if I help you and you pay me and I create a roadmap and you are 100% perfect by the time that program ends, I don't want to see you ever again. Because if I see you, then I know that either I did something wrong or something went wrong somewhere. Right. Okay. Right.

[00:55:20] Because I know that the process that I'm going to make for you, I know 100% will work. And what I tell you the outcome is going to be, will be the outcome. So now the ball is in your court. Okay. I just spent X amount of months teaching you sessions, worksheets, all this stuff, groups, all these different things. Right. Whatever I give. Right. I just spent all this time teaching you and you did great. Right.

[00:55:49] But now you're going to take that information. It's not like a big thing. You're not going to spend all day like doing this stuff. It's just little things here and there. Right. So you're going to take some stuff that I teach you and you're going to apply it into your daily, your daily life or your whatever you do. Right. And then that's how you're going to stay like that. And then you're going to be, Oh, people are going to be calling you jobs, people from that want you to work.

[00:56:19] All this stuff is just going to start coming to you. All of it. And you will do nothing. You'll be sitting on your couch, nothing, watching TV, reading, reading on the phone or something. That's it. And you'll have all this stuff coming to you. I used to apply for jobs. Well, I used to know people, but I would apply for one job and I would get 10. This was like a very long time ago. This was before I did this. This was like 30 years ago, whatever.

[00:56:45] Even when I was in retail, I would apply for one job and I got, I got like, I would go online. It wasn't really online, but they would tell, like I would tell a manager or an owner of like another store or something. Cause I used to work in retail and they would tell people that they would say, well, we can't hire her. And they would know other managers. And then they would say, this woman's really good.

[00:57:15] Do you want to hire her? We can't, we don't have opening or something like that. Right. Cause we used to do it different ways. So then I would get like 10 phone calls. Wow. And I didn't even, I don't even know who these people are. I didn't even contact them. And this manager, and this happened more than one time, but we had, but there was no computer. This is like in like the eighties and nineties, whatever. So there was no computer. Right. So we used to go into stores cause I was in the same industry.

[00:57:43] So we would go, we would walk into a store and you could even do this today, believe it or not. We would walk into a store and ask, speak to the manager. And then if the manager wasn't there, we would say, now nobody knows who I am there. The manager wasn't there. The manager would say, I would say, do you know when the manager's coming? Do you know when, what his name is? So then they'll say, okay, well, he's here at 7. A.M. Tomorrow. So I would go there and I would say, hi, is John here?

[00:58:12] So now I'm saying his name and different things like that. I told my friend to do this one, one, one time recently. And that's how you would get a job. That's how we used to get jobs. That's one way. There's tons of ways. By saying the person's name? Yeah. Well, we don't know the person's name. So then we would say, is the manager here? Like I walk in, nobody knows me. Oh, the manager's not here. Oh, by the way, what's his name? Oh, his name is John.

[00:58:42] Oh, he does the hiring? Oh, yeah, yeah, he does the hiring. Okay. Do you know when he's coming? He'll be here seven o'clock in the morning. So then I walk in next day, seven, eight o'clock, whatever. And then I say, oh, hi, is John here? So now they automatically think that I know him. Right. Right. Okay. Because I say his name. And meanwhile, I have no idea who he is. Right. And then they'll say, oh, yeah. Oh, oh, you want John? Okay. We'll get him right away. And then like, they think like I know him.

[00:59:11] So then he comes out and then I say, oh, hi, I'm Debbie. I introduced myself and all these different things. Right. And then we talk about, I ask him if I give him my resume. We used to have the resume. We used to walk around with the resumes. That's how we used to do it. Right. Different things. I mean, there's a lot of, we used to have applications too. So, I mean, there was a lot of different things that we used to do.

[00:59:34] So, I mean, and a lot of times too, it was like, I worked, work at this company that a lot of times there was no resume. I work at this company and you can verify that I work there and it's like a big company. So it's like, you work for that company, then we want you to work for us. That's pretty awesome.

[00:59:59] Well, I know we're edging up on time here, but is there anything we haven't touched on today that you want to make sure that the listeners hear? Well, my company is called lifeinbloomny.net, which is one of the websites I have. It's L-I-F-E-I-N-B-L-O-O-M-N-Y.net. And then that's the main website.

[01:00:25] And then I have another website, debbielongo.com, D-E-B-B-I-E-L-O-N-G-O.com. And that's the website that has all the new stuff on it. Okay. And it has my podcast on it. And then I have another webpage that's going to have a podcast too on it. Okay. And then I have social media, LinkedIn. You could put my name in there. Okay. And if you could put the, I'll give you the links and stuff. You could put it under the show notes and different things if you want to do that. So there's all different ways.

[01:00:55] I mean, you could use my website. That's really like the best way, but there's all different ways, you know, to contact me. So it's pretty much email. That's how people usually do it. So it's pretty accessible. And we could do video conferencing, whatever you want to do, whatever you have. You have an internet connection. We could do whatever platform or whatever it is you want to do. It's whatever you're comfortable with. That's perfectly fine with me. That's pretty awesome. And it's been fascinating talking to you.

[01:01:24] You really make people think about the possibilities, right? No, you do because we all get kind of boxed in our little routines in our life. And we think this is just the way it is, but you give us hope that this isn't just the way it is. Right. And that's exactly what I do on my podcast. And that's one of the things that I say. Some people think that they just sit in their negativity or just the way they are and they just think it's this is normal. This is how it's going to be for the rest of my life.

[01:01:53] And it doesn't have to be that way. If you choose, if you want it that way, if you choose to have it that way, if you choose to stay that way and you want, you don't think that you can excel or change or whatever. That's fine. But the people that are unhappy and they don't want to stay in that, okay, and they know they can do better, but they just don't know how. Okay.

[01:02:21] Or they're not sure or they want to try or they're curious or something like that. Some little type of willingness. But if the person's completely closed minded and says, this is the way it's going to be. This is how my life is. I'm just, that's it. Then that's fine. That's up. You know what I mean? That's up to the individual. I personally know that it doesn't have to be that way. You know what I mean?

[01:02:49] But those aren't people that I can help. True. That's all there is to it. First step is you got to want it. Yeah. Yeah. It's the willingness. Yeah. Even just a little bit. I don't care. I'm a little curious. Perfect for me. Perfect. A little curious is great. Well, it's been fascinating talking to you. I really appreciate you sharing your wisdom and your time with us today. Thank you. I really appreciate you having me. Absolutely. And thank you. Bye.

[01:03:18] As we wrap up this episode, one thing that stood out to me from my conversation with Debbie is that real transformation doesn't always begin with changing our circumstances. Sometimes it starts by changing the patterns, beliefs, and behaviors we've carried for years. While not everyone will agree with every perspective shared today, I hope this conversation encourages you to reflect on your own life and consider what small internal shifts might open the door to meaningful change.

[01:03:44] If you'd like to learn more about Debbie, connect with her, or explore her coaching and podcasts, you'll find all of her information in today's show notes. If this episode encouraged you, would you please take a moment to subscribe, leave a review, or share it with someone who could use a little hope today? Every share helps me reach someone who may need to hear that healing and growth are possible. Until next time, remember, even in the middle of life's greatest struggle, there is still beauty to be found in the mess.

[01:04:12] As always, I hope this episode helps at least one person. And with that, I hope you have a blessed week, my friend. Thank you for listening to The Beauty and the Mess. If you enjoyed what you heard, please share it with a friend. And if you haven't already, please subscribe, rate, and review this podcast on your favorite pod player. If you have any questions or comments, any topic ideas you would like to hear about, or

[01:04:39] you think you would be a great guest on the show, you can reach me directly at thebeautyandthemess.com. Thanks for listening.