Ep. 166 When Everything Falls Apart: Building A Live You Never Planned with Missy Moritz

[00:00:06] I'm Michele Simms and this is The Beauty in the Mess, a community where people who crave a shift in mindset, personal growth, and connection to like-minded people come together to start rewriting their stories. Through engaging, honest, and insightful conversations, the show will help you embrace the mess to recognize the meanings and the lessons it holds and discover its hidden treasures to help you start making a mindset shift. Let's listen, learn, and reclaim who we were meant to be.

[00:00:33] Hi friend, welcome to The Beauty in the Mess. What happens when the life you work so hard to build suddenly falls apart? My guest today, Melissa Moritz, better known as Messy Missy, knows exactly what that feels like. She went from leading a $75 million healthcare company to losing her career, businesses, financial security, her home, marriage, and ultimately much of her identity that she had built along the way. In this conversation, Missy gets encouraged to learn how to build a life.

[00:01:03] She's incredibly real about the depression, fear, financial devastation, and loss of confidence that followed, but also about the faith that has kept her moving forward when some days simply taking a shower or eating felt like an accomplishment. We talk about starting over in midlife, motherhood, identity, asking for help, redefining success, entrepreneurship, and learning how to build a new life when you know you can never go back to the old one.

[00:01:28] Missy's story isn't wrapped up with a perfect bow. She's still rebuilding, and I think that's exactly what makes this conversation so powerful. Hi, I'm Michele Simms, your host. I'm just a regular person who, like so many others, has faced my fair share of messes. Life hasn't always been neat or easy, but it's taught me a lot, and somewhere along the way I got deeply curious. How do other people make it through their messes and not just survive, but thrive?

[00:01:53] That started my pursuit. I started searching for stories, wisdom, and real strategies, not only for myself, but for anyone looking for a better way forward. Maybe there is a faster way, a softer way, a more human way, and maybe we don't have to figure it out all alone. I believe we grow through shared stories, lived wisdom, and the beautiful mess of being human. So welcome to the conversation. I'm so glad you're here.

[00:02:17] Please join me for episode 166 of When Everything Falls Apart, Building a Life You Never Planned with Missy Moritz. So without further ado, let's get into it. Missy, welcome to the The Beauty in the Mess. I'm so glad to have you with me today. Thank you, Michelle. I am so happy to be here and certainly ready to share lots of messes and successes through the messes.

[00:02:41] Awesome. Now, I know among many, many other things that you were a former CEO of a $75 million company, and you ended up getting divorced and becoming jobless. I was just wondering if you could take us back to that time period when all this is unfolding and give us some of your backstory. Yes, absolutely. Although the further we get away from it, the fuzzier it gets. And I'm absolutely celebrating all the fuzziness now. I bet.

[00:03:08] The clarity, the pain, the reliving of it is slowly fading into like, I don't know, if you were like on a horse and buggy and going down a gravel road, and there's just lots of fog smoke from the dust of the dirt. Like, that's how it feels now. I'm finally going forward.

[00:03:29] But yes, I, and I loved what I did. I thought God put me there for a reason. That was my purpose in life. And that was everything. Through the pandemic grew a private practice healthcare company from about 14 million to 75 million in the span of about 10 years ish.

[00:03:53] And through the pandemic, and if you've met anybody who grew a healthcare company through the pandemic, didn't shrink, didn't shut down, didn't shutter, didn't. We never laid anybody off. We never furloughed anybody. We kept payroll and we were self-funded. And we did all of that. And it was quite a feat. And through the nursing shortage after the pandemic, through the crisis of supplies.

[00:04:18] So if you didn't work in healthcare, you may not have known what was going on after the pandemic when we thought, okay, things are subsiding now. Ooh, we can breathe again. Then we had a nursing shortage because the nurses were burnt out. And then we had a medical supply crisis because we couldn't get the supplies we needed.

[00:04:37] So through all of that. And then a PR crisis, the owner of the company had an ex-wife that landed in family court and the company was taken over by the government. You don't think that can happen and it can. And it did. And then my role was discarded or I took it pretty personally.

[00:05:06] I was discarded within two weeks. They froze my bank accounts. They did not pay me my last paychecks. They did not pay me a severance job as a C-level executive of a pretty hefty company. You had a little bit of assurance through a contract and whatnot, but none of that was followed through with. And life as I knew it, my leadership team, my friends, I was working 18 hour days.

[00:05:36] It's all I lived, breathed outside of raising my teenagers. My home was gone. Everything was gone in two weeks span and really didn't know who I was anymore because my whole identity was wrapped up in that outside of being a mom. And that is another role that I play that they're my why. Outside of God keeping me alive every day for the past three years since that has happened, they are my why.

[00:06:05] So then we go through. So how do you even know where to start? You don't. You don't. I'm still figuring it out. What did you choose? I mean, obviously you go after a job first. Faith first? That's awesome. No, I never went for a job. Oh, wow. Refused to ever work for another human ever again.

[00:06:33] Because I don't know. I'm not saying that's a smart way to go. But I refuse to ever work for another person again. So I will build my way forward on my own. Wow. Because of how traumatic that all was. Yeah. I mean, could you, can you, I was majority, majority owner of, we had built, so we had a master service organization.

[00:06:56] So it was an umbrella company. And we had a big LLC. And then underneath that LLC, we had, I think, five to eight different companies.

[00:07:06] We were healthcare. So we had vestibular physical therapy clinics. We had audiology and hearing center clinics. We had our main ear, nose and throat clinics. We had surgery centers. We had our own marketing company. I had a nose spray company. So I had majority ownership in two or three different companies.

[00:07:29] Wow. And that all went with that. So I didn't really know what end was up through all of that. Yeah. I'm trying to think of mentally how, yeah, I've been in tough situations in life and I've temporarily lost a job at the same time. My husband had cancer, all these things going on. I had a young child at the time, but I've never had everything fall apart at once.

[00:07:58] So I can't imagine losing the stability of your marriage and your job. And you've got young kids that still need to eat. Teenagers. Yep. Yeah. I wasn't able to feed them. They had to go with their dad or my parents. Okay. So that's how you could not, I didn't have a penny to my name, like literally. Not everything was, I don't know how. So when the divorce happened, he took everything or.

[00:08:28] No, it was somebody else's divorce that rippled into my world and the accusations that I had access to his funds and things. Oh, wow. That was separate from my own personal relationship. So how do you deal with the dynamic of, it sounds like you were the person that being at the head of the company that you were a fixer, right? You fixed problems. Yeah.

[00:08:55] And so now your life falls apart and you can't immediately fix it. How do you deal with that? You are very, I became, I was, my children used to call me superwoman because I'm divorced from their dad. And I took a hundred percent financial responsibility in raising them. We shared custody, but I was able to financially raise them.

[00:09:21] And when all of that goes away and you're paralyzed, I mean, mentally, not physically, I shouldn't say mentally paralyzed. You are then extremely humbled and you are no longer Miss Independent fixer. I can do this. I got this. Confidence went way out. I mean, into the sewers, flush down the toilet bowl.

[00:09:48] I had no more confidence, no more self-worth, worthiness, you name it. And I will say I am here because God, because God, God kept me alive. There were some really dark days and I have clawed my way through the dark days and I have found ways to earn income for myself. All legal, all legal ways. That's good. I'm an entrepreneur at heart.

[00:10:16] I absolutely love entrepreneurship. I've built lots and lots of businesses, scaled lots of businesses. And so you learn to ask for help too. And you keep the faith every single day, still doing it, still in temporary housing. I don't want to jump around, but still building, still rebuilding. It's not an overnight process. I wish it was. So do you feel like your faith got stronger out of all this? Oh my God.

[00:10:46] Absolutely. Oh my gosh. Yes. I was a believer. I was Catholic. And then I sort of morphed into Christianity and reading the Bible every single day. And I attend an online Bible study every morning. The messages just kept pushing me forward. Do you feel like you hear God, not to sound corny, but like speak? Give you guidance?

[00:11:14] So I think we have a special relationship. I think everybody has their own unique relationship with God. I agree. I call mine crazy good, crazy God stories, testimonies, moments, because I will sit in a room silent and say, I kind of need to hear you right now. Like, what do you want me to do? And I won't hear anything.

[00:11:42] But then I will, I have stayed. I stay in constant prayer, constantly asking for help, asking for guidance. Like show me, help me. What do you want me to do? Like, it's just constant throughout the days. And God continues to show up. He has always made a way.

[00:12:06] I have always had food on the table, sparingly, but I have always had food on the table. And I've always had a roof over my head. And those things he promises. And he has blessed me with those things. Now, they don't necessarily always feel like blessings because you're like, hey, I need a little bit more. Like, I would like my own bed. I would like my own home again.

[00:12:36] I would like, and then I'll say to him, you know what I need. You know what I need. It's his timing. And so he, you asked if I hear him. Yes, he sends me things. Like physical things. I will never forget. I mean, I have so many stories. So many through the past three years. One time I was walking in. I have Trader Joe's is a grocery store where I'm where I live. Okay.

[00:13:06] And I was walking into Trader Joe's. It was pouring rain. I was going to bounce my credit card just to buy some food for myself. And I'm praying. And I'm like, I don't know how to pay for this food. And I'm like talking like maybe five, ten dollars. And I pull up to get a cart. And the pouring rain and it's dark and it's cold. And there lies a card, like a rectangular card. I don't know. Maybe the size of your palm.

[00:13:35] It gives me goosebumps just to tell you. And it says this card, laying in the rain in the dark. Jesus paid it all for you. Wow. So I pick up the card and I take it with me. I still have it. I carry it with me. I have many of these stories. I would frame it. I have so many. Yes, I will. I'm going to do things with the artifacts that I have when I am blessed with my new home.

[00:14:05] Because I believe I will have a home someday. But I had to dig into my faith. And I had to go forth into the grocery store and buy what I could buy. And trust him and lean on him. And continue on my whatever I was doing that day. Or night. That's pretty awesome. Yeah. Crazy God. It is. I just had a conversation with my pastor last Sunday. And I said, we all want to hear from God.

[00:14:34] And sometimes it's, I don't want to say frustrating. It's not the right word. But disappointing maybe. If you feel like you can't hear him. And my pastor is like, it's really simple. He said, a lot of times it just sounds like your own voice in your head. He said, but you have a knowing. And he said, just ask yourself. Or just ask the Holy Spirit. Say, Holy Spirit, do you love me? And wait and see what you hear back. And he said, it's that simple.

[00:15:03] He said, just ask out loud. And see what comes back. And so I've been practicing that. It's kind of surprising in a way. So I've enjoyed it. Yeah. That's great. I just keep begging him. He's used to me now. So which loss do you think was the hardest? Or is there one that was, is it your own identity of who you thought you were? No. The hardest loss is financial loss.

[00:15:29] Because think about, God forbid. Truly, I would not wish this on any single person ever. Nobody. I would never wish this on anybody. Think about waking up with whatever coins are in your wallet. And maybe a line of credit on your credit card. That's what I had. Wow. So it's so paralyzing.

[00:15:59] How do you not succumb to that fear? You keep digging out. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you keep digging out and then you see. He's provided me shelter and provided me food. And he, but remember this. And I really live by this Bible verse because he keeps telling me every single day, faith without works is dead. So you can't believe in him, believe in his promises and not continue to show up to work.

[00:16:31] So I show, I work. I work a lot. And to make ends meet right now. Right. And we all have a, along the same lines as what you're saying, we all have a responsibility in our own lives. Even though we're asking God for help, he wants us to help ourselves too. So I'm sure. But yeah. So financially is paralyzing the most out of everything else because, and I thank him.

[00:17:00] I do not overlook the fact that I have my health. Now, maybe my mental health isn't as strong as it used to be. However, I thank him that I have my physical health, my lungs and eyesight and hearing and I can walk and all of that. So I can do things to better myself, but also pour into others too, which is very important to me. That absolutely is.

[00:17:29] Are you a person that worried about what like your coworkers thought about you or did that even factor in? Because I know for me, I try not to, but you still do. I still do. I should say. As I heard you mentioned, it's a humbling experience, obviously. Was there part of that in there too? I'm saddened by it because they knew me, they knew my morals, right?

[00:17:56] And my ethics and my values that I poured into this company. And yet I was completely defamed and slandered. So they refused to have anything to do with me. Yeah. There were accusations that I had stolen millions of dollars. I definitely wouldn't be homeless if I did. So they separated themselves from me and yet they knew I was faith-based. They know who I am.

[00:18:25] So that's disheartening. I'm not embarrassed by any of that because I did absolutely nothing wrong. And so if my conscious is clear, right? If I'm good with, if I'm a child of God and I have not committed any sins. I mean, of course we all commit sins daily, but on that, on that scale, right? I'm good with who I am. And I know what my heart posture is.

[00:18:54] Well, wouldn't your coworker, your former coworkers think if she had, if Missy had stolen millions, she would be sitting in jail, right? There's been so many crazy accusations. It's just ridiculous. That's crazy. I can't speak for them again. I don't know. We've all moved on. Right. I don't know how they think there wouldn't be a consequence if you had done it, which would make them realize that you hadn't done it. You know what I mean?

[00:19:24] Other than, like you said, you're not in the Bahamas living in a mansion. So that's the other piece. That's grown quite the opposite. So yeah, trying to absorb the dynamic of all of that happening at once. And I commend you for trucking away every day, trying to get through this and rebuilding yourself.

[00:19:48] It must be a purpose for, I haven't liked the cliche term of like, well, there's a, you know, purpose for the pain. And if you can imagine, I've been told all sorts of, I don't know, inspirational coined terms for people who are trying to help me. And so the purpose of the pain or purpose from the pain or purpose for the pain, whichever one you want to refer to.

[00:20:17] I don't like that. However, going to why things happen, how things happen, the faith of like believing in, in that. But I do believe now that there's a reason it happened. There's a reason it had to happen the way it happened. And I really am now more so than recent past few months.

[00:20:46] I am really moving past understanding why it happened. My two big hangups were, why did that happen? Why and how, how did there were 39 attorneys on this case in family court, in family court. How did that happen?

[00:21:11] How did not one person think of me and my children in the big aspect of how this all played out? And so the why and the how that I used to kind of be, you know, I used to journal about it almost every day. Then it becomes rumination, which you really don't want to live by that anymore.

[00:21:35] And I really started to distance myself from that and started to focus on the future, which I hadn't been able to do for quite some time. So my first question would be, and I think I can answer it myself, but was there panic when you don't know?

[00:21:57] I mean, if that life, so to speak, is over and you don't know which way you're transitioning, is there panic in that moment or were you calm? There's not panic. There's so many layers below that. I mean, I was in the depths of despair.

[00:22:16] I would think panic is kind of like, I don't want to dismiss anybody that's panicked, but panic for me is kind of like a higher level of, you know, kind of higher level. Yeah. I don't want to say surface level, but it's closer to the surface. And I was so traumatized. I was so paralyzed.

[00:22:41] And I know I've used that word a few times in this conversation, but it was beyond panic. What was I going to panic about when I could barely live? Panic to buy groceries. I wasn't going to eat. It was beyond any mode of panic to me is like, oh my God, I have a flat tire and I'm on the side of the road and I'm now panicked. I had to live so much deeper than that.

[00:23:08] A spare, a flat tire wouldn't even hit my radar anymore. Like when you have this level, I heard something recently about that. Your relative comparison of like what you're dealing with in life versus your panic mode button, so to speak. They all kind of really depend on what you're living through at the moment. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

[00:23:31] So how do you pick, how do you look at your life and say, okay, what do I take from this experience or, yeah, or I don't know, expertise, whatever you want to call it. And turn that into something that I can use or market or to start making money. What's the story? I don't think this is a very good story, but it's my story. We were talking about that.

[00:23:59] Unfortunately, this is my story and I get to tell it. I know a big part of your podcast also, because I like to prepare for things. And I was studying like, what is your mission of rebuilding through the messes and beauty in the messes and rewriting your stories?

[00:24:22] And it made me pause and really think about that as I was thinking about, you know, meeting with you today and telling this story. This is always going to be part of my story, but I don't want to keep retelling that story anymore. I really want to tell a beautiful story. I want to tell something new.

[00:24:46] And so I think that there's, of course, chapters, but I really want to focus on, I'm never rewriting that story. I want to focus on telling the next story. Right. I get that. Yeah. And by rewriting, I think in a way, I mean like, because for me, a lot of my life, I've had to look back and reframe it. At the time I was going through it, I thought it was X, Y, Z.

[00:25:13] But now I can look back and think, oh, well, I see A, B and C in there too. You know, it's kind of like a reframe. So I guess that's why I said rewriting. I don't know. But yeah, it's finding some good in the bad that happened or what we perceive as bad, I guess. Yeah. I had to let that version of me die. I am not that person. The person who ran that, that leadership team, the head of that company, the person who hired surgeons.

[00:25:43] There's knowledge there, right? There is knowledge. There's expertise. There's knowledge. There's wisdom that came with that role that doesn't just poof. I mean, you've still got it in there. I know you don't want to associate with the job or with the company. No, that's true. Yeah. Use those tools. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And to get to the level where you're at, you had some pretty good tools. So still have. Yeah.

[00:26:12] Yeah. I hadn't really thought about that. Yeah. So maybe it'll be something going forth that you'll be able to draw on. The good pieces of that and use it to propel yourself forward. I think if I had jumped into another role of, instead of, I had completely abandoned working in that capacity.

[00:26:39] I think if I had taken on a role of any type of role like that, similar to that back in some sort of business structure, corporate role, I probably would have maintained that a little bit. But because I totally shut it off. It's almost as if it's like the attic of my brain where I just shut the door and put the locks on it. Yeah.

[00:27:08] And now I'm going for creativity. I've always been a philanthropist and I'll always be a philanthropist. That's what I loved about healthcare, helping people. So that's how you see yourself going forward is always some kind of helping capacity.

[00:27:27] Even in my darkest days, in the past three years, when I was crying four to eight hours a day and wearing dirty clothes and not eating and the hair was probably a month unwashed. Even on those days, I was helping people. I would get in my car and I would find somebody to grocery shop for or somebody to take to a cancer treatment appointment or somebody to take on a walk or somebody who needed a meal.

[00:27:57] I would always find somebody to help, even on those days. I honestly believe that that's one of the most healing things we can do is to offer ourselves to help other people. I think it heals you while you're trying to help them. And I'm sure a lot with everything that happened to you, there's a lot of grief. The grief of the marriage, the grief of the job, the grief of the finances.

[00:28:24] I mean, so you're dealing with grief on top of overwhelm and probably anger. I would be angry, you know, at least initially. I was angry at first. I had two weeks notice to move out of my home. And I know I threw some ceramics around. I was angry. But then the sadness and the depression really enveloped me.

[00:28:53] It took over everything I had. I don't wish that on anybody, but I understand mental health now. I have a lot of empathy for mental health. It is real. I understand depression. I understand not wanting to live any longer. And I can't tell you other than God keeping me alive that I'm still here, that I have some more to do here. Oh, I have no doubt.

[00:29:21] So how do you guide your children through this? That's been very difficult. I couldn't parent, as you can imagine. I never wanted my children to feel like they had to take care of me. I didn't want that. Right. My son helped me more than he'll ever know.

[00:29:49] He created a morning routine for me. And then he became my accountability partner. Yeah. Yeah. It was so special. It brings tears to my eyes now. My daughter is more like me. Just like me. And she's like, we've had some really hard conversations. And she's kind of said, you've had enough time now. Like, you've had enough.

[00:30:19] Like, let's go. They're supportive. I think that at first they were embarrassed. Who isn't embarrassed of this downfall? Right? Right. And we've ebbed and flowed. I wouldn't say we're closer because of it. But it also, thanks to God, didn't break us. A lot of it, they know how faith-based I am.

[00:30:47] One of them questions God a lot more than the other. Because, like, how would God let something like this happen? Right? This is teenagers. These are teenagers. So the other one leans way into faith in God. Right. It's really hard to be a parent when you need a parent. I think that's the biggest line I could say from this. Yeah. And I would lean into the Bible's very explicitness.

[00:31:17] That it's Satan that comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Not God. So I don't believe any of the bad came from God in any way. Right. That's just my personal belief. No, I'm glad you said that. I hadn't reflected on that. Yeah. So, yeah. I get a lot of people, even on the podcast, that say, God won't give you more than you can bear. But that's not biblical. And God never says he won't give you more than you can bear.

[00:31:43] But he does tell us that Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. So it's not him. All things good come from him. All things bad come from Satan. So to me, I lean into that a lot. This is not God doing this to me. Right. Yeah. I hadn't thought of that. He will never leave you or forsake you. Right. I've always felt God by my side in all of this. That's great. I think that's huge.

[00:32:12] You questioned, did you do something to upset him? You're human, right? So we have our imperfections. But I was angry with God. I was very angry with God at times. But, yeah, I think it's just a normal father-daughter relationship, if you will, if you believe in that. And I really wholeheartedly believe in my faith and God and Jesus. And he made us.

[00:32:41] He knows we're human. He knows we're going to have those emotions. And we're looking, why didn't you spare me from this? Why didn't you save me from this? And sometimes, I don't know, sometimes I feel like, and I don't know if you share this or not, but I feel like, not that he put this on us at all, but he allows it to happen because it's going to shape and mold us for whatever we need that's coming next. And we can't see it, but he can.

[00:33:09] So, yeah, I think it makes a big, I don't know, I lean into that a lot because you can go down the rabbit hole of why me. And I'm not saying you are. You don't come across it at all. No, I understand. But I've been there where I'm like, why me? Or why my family? Or why this? Or why that? And I think that's where I go back and look at it differently. And I think it's, this did not come from God, but he did allow it for whatever reason.

[00:33:34] So I just have to know that he knows better than me what's coming. And that hopefully this stuff was shaping me and molding me for something he has, something good that he has coming my way. There's so many biblical verses that just flooded through my mind, but truly believing that he will make something new. Right? Oh, yeah. And he will give us back 10 times whatever the number is that we lost.

[00:34:04] I'm like, I'm ready. Give it back to me. You are going to be in the Bahamas and a man on the hill. On my own accord this time. I will be. It's time where I build something that is mine. It's not, it's of course it's God's, but it's mine for me and my children. And I don't know exactly what that is quite yet, but I'm learning new skills.

[00:34:33] I'm studying new ways to support myself and my children. And I don't know, I don't know where that goes next. And I think just looking as an outsider, you definitely picked the harder path because to rebuild what you had with the skill sets you had and a job that was familiar. And that would have been an easier path in some ways.

[00:35:00] I commend you because I think it's awesome that you're open-minded and willing to just say, here I come. Whatever that path may be, that's a gift in itself. Well, it's like, here I am, God used me. Exactly. And he is. Oh, he is. Yeah. He is. But yes, a messy, messy tends to go through life cleaning up the messes. And it's not because I choose the messes.

[00:35:29] I just, I've always become somebody who overcome the adversity and work, build through it. And that's why I built that mission statement of my own is to help others build beautiful businesses and beautiful lives through the messes. Because I know what it's like to be stuck and drowned by the messes.

[00:35:57] We need to use them and we need to go through them together and we need to not be embarrassed by them. Very true. I think sometimes that's hard to do just because we're human. But you're right. I mean, it's just, we're all learning. We're all, we all fail at things. We all have do-overs. It's just part of life. So why society programs us to even feel bad about that, I don't know.

[00:36:27] Hide from them. Hide from it. Right. Which is. Yeah. I was thinking coming on here, I was like, what about a messy, messy mentorship? There's just so many opportunities. Well, tell us about messy, messy. Well, messy, messy was born because I love to drink coffee. I can drink coffee. I can drink coffee day and night.

[00:36:54] And being a single mom to my kids and bringing them to wherever we were going, school or whatnot in the mornings. And my coffee would slosh and I would spill. And both of my children would just be like, you're such a mess. Like you spill your coffee. Don't wear white. And it just became, you know, something that was kind of endearing. Like, okay, so I can own that. Yeah. I drink coffee and it, I have spill stains everywhere.

[00:37:23] And then this podcast came about where I needed to do something as everything was falling apart. When everything was falling apart, the job, the home, the, all of that with that little notice, time notice, I started the podcast. Not a great time to be consistently a podcaster, but I started it. And it's hard work. And it is.

[00:37:52] But if you can pour yourself into a mission that you believe in, which I do, I totally believe in meeting new people and letting them tell their stories on my, on the messy, messy podcast about how they built their business through their mess. That was the mission and the vision from the start. It's three years old. It's not a lot of episodes deep, but it is three years old. And then everything truly fell apart.

[00:38:20] And I went into the depths of despair and I kept trying to record podcasts. And I kept trying and. I kept talking to God and he kept saying, are you listening? And I'm like, I'm trying to listen. And he kept saying, use your voice, use your voice, use your voice. Are you listening? And so I started the podcast up again. I've now been more consistent.

[00:38:49] I really do want to be really, really consistent, but I've been more consistent. Like I was shared with you. It's hard when you don't have a home to go home to, when you don't have your things. I still live out of a travel size suitcase right now. My kids are now away at school. We don't know where we're going to spend the holidays. I don't have a place that's big enough for them yet. Yet. I use a lot of yet. Right.

[00:39:18] So. Messy Missy was born and it's going to continue to be a brand that helps people build through their messes. That's awesome. Have you had anybody on your show yet that you feel like changed your life? I think every single person that is willing to come on the show, that is willing to share.

[00:39:46] There's every, every single guest I have had, and I've filmed over a hundred podcasts now. Every single guest has been willing to share their story. A hundred percent real, raw, vulnerable, authentic. Because I will always say, is there anything you don't want me to ask you? Is there anything you don't want to discuss? Not one. Wow. And I could totally respect a story that has some privacy to it.

[00:40:16] So that's why I ask. But, but the feedback has been that this platform needs is needed. It's a space for people to come on. And I've had people with endometriosis and cancers and mental health and alcoholism and DV as now the social media calls it domestic violence. They now refer to it as DV.

[00:40:42] And you're not supposed to say the S word either because now that gets flagged. So everybody who has been willing to take the mess that they were given and then build something through it. A husband lost a wife. One of the most watched, listened to.

[00:41:01] So husband lost his wife to cancer and he built a, created a clothing line out of emotional support clothing and words and caricatures and things. So it's what people have been able to build through their messes. And I love entrepreneurship. I think that that's maybe why I refuse to go.

[00:41:27] I will put to, I think maybe that's what God gave me more and more recently. Everybody's been talking to has been said, has been saying, you have this corporate experience yet you're an entrepreneur. And it's very unique to have those two combined in one person. Like they're typically parallel paths versus intersecting or morphing together. And that's my love. Yeah. But to me, it's perfect because you already ran someone else's business.

[00:41:56] So you're perfectly prepared to run your own. Yes. And I built many cashflow businesses of my own. Right. After my divorce built a, my mission was going to cure loneliness through divorce because it was incredibly lonely time. This was my first divorce. And it's incredibly lonely when you've never lived by yourself.

[00:42:21] And when you take on single parent, co single co-parenting, and you're the mom that's got this big career and there's so much in it. So I was going to cure loneliness through divorce. And that was one of my first businesses. Then I created the nose spray business, which was a, it's an all organic solution. It's called hypochlorous acid.

[00:42:46] And I worked with a proprietor and that kills viruses that enter your bloodstream through your nose. So I was able to build businesses and scale corporations, smaller corporations. Do you think you'll revive one of those or do you think you're just going to start something completely new? I'm going into really just, I don't know what you even call it. I'm really going into mentorship.

[00:43:13] I'm going into teaching other women how to build online businesses. Okay. That, that space, because I think we know from statistics that divorce is 60 to well, 40 to 60% of women that have gone through divorce have a loss in their finances. So like their finances will drop 40 to 60% just for the women.

[00:43:42] And I think a woman going through divorce should know how to, or should build a business. So she has a stream of revenue for herself, even if she stays in corporate, you can do both. That's amazing. So if messy, messy becomes wildly successful, are you thinking about how do you not get caught up in all the high pressure pieces that you had before?

[00:44:13] I mean, does that even concern you at this point or? I've had glimmers of that. I've thought about that. I had a uniform, the Steve Jobs thing. I took a piece. I like to take pieces from highly successful people. So Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, all about the uniform. So I had a uniform that I set up for myself. I just, I wore all black. That was my CEO outfit. And it was always with a pair of heels.

[00:44:41] And like the heels are like, had to be substantial because I'm very short and I wanted to feel a little bit taller, especially when you're amongst a male dominated industry. Red lipstick. Like I had, it was the uniform. I think she's going to be just a different type of busy businesswoman again. The messy, messy.

[00:45:04] But she's going to be, I think she's going to be artsy and just like the frames. Like just, it's going to be different. Allow your creative side to come out more, maybe. Yeah. Maybe your feminine, your feminine side, your softer side. I don't, I, I, I can feel coming alive again when you ask that question. Like, could I work in another 18 hour day in some high pressure capacity?

[00:45:34] Probably because I thrive on that. And I love energy. I think energy is so important. It really is. And good energy and getting in rooms and helping. It always boils down to helping people. Very much so. So if someone's listening today and they're in a similar, but different situation, I doubt they're running a $75 million company, but if they're feel like they're light as a woman

[00:46:02] and she feels like her life is falling apart and she's facing divorce, what would you say to her? Ooh, you can't fight it. So if you're, it really depends on what stage of this are you in, right? Like, are you fighting the, I had the loveless marriage, right? So are you fighting that?

[00:46:29] Are you fighting the pull to leave corporate and go on your own? What is, like, what's tugging at your heart? And then ultimately it's going to, it's going to happen one way or the other. So like fighting it isn't going to help. And one thing that I, I truly believe in is it all comes down to love. Everything comes down to love.

[00:46:55] And so I think if you're feeling like, if you're losing a marriage, you, you feel unworthy. You feel like, are you ever going to be loved again? I had that. That's very heavy. What do you have to cling to hope? So much of that. I mean, if you're going through it right now, you can feel all of that.

[00:47:19] And the letting go is really hard, but the grasping onto it to try to keep it is not going to work. It's just not. And so there's a bit of you that has to, I used to be a control freak, like type A. And I just, I don't know what type I am anymore, A, B, C, or D, but it does happen with time. My hopes are that I can help the woman that's going through it.

[00:47:47] So we can, I call it quantum leap it. So we can quantum leap over some of it. Some of it you have to go through. You have to go through the pain. You have to go through the tears. You have to go through some form of humility and becoming humbled. And then of course I ask you like, what is your faith in? Because faith is just, I'm not saying it to convince any single person.

[00:48:13] I just know my personal story and how important faith is. You have to have not just hope to cling to, but faith. And it's unseen and faith the size of a mustard seed. I collect seaglass. So I call it like, if I can find the tiniest speck of seaglass on the beach and I will pick that piece up and I will say faith the size of the seaglass.

[00:48:41] So you have to have that and you, and you have to have direction. And I really think if you can find somebody to pair up with, that's been there empathy, you have to get out of your circle. That's a hard one. Your friends, your friends and family now are not going to be the people who are going to get you through this. They're just not, they have no capacity for it. Unfortunately. Really? You had no support from friends and family. Wow.

[00:49:10] Now they gave me the support that they could give me. Okay. Like the support that they thought they could give me, but the lack of comprehension. And I come from parents that are first generation American. You kind of keep your head in the sand, mind your own business.

[00:49:37] I mean, divorce is not a thing. So there's a lot there. Wow. They helped in ways that they thought they, that was what they could do. But I know what I didn't, I don't know if I know what I needed, but I know what somebody going through it would need now. And accountability is the biggest part of all of that. Like I said, my, my son held me accountable to my morning routine.

[00:50:06] That was huge for me. So how do you hold yourself accountable now? Or is your son still supporting you in that? No, no, no. That's a great question. Now I've gotten clarity. Thank God. I have clarity. I can dream again. I can set up goals for myself again. I have been able to define success and what success means to me again.

[00:50:36] And that was a huge moment that happened to me in March. So just a few months ago was the first time in several years where I said, this is, this was a successful month. You don't necessarily tie it to finances as much, as much as I used to. I'm not where, not at the point where I want to be financially, but I've also, I set up a tool

[00:51:05] that's called the messy to momentum framework. And what it has been able to do is get me from the point of, I was living in survival mode for many, for a long time. And literally I would get up every morning and I would write a few things on a to-do list. And I put a little, I'm a very pen to paper. I've got papers and pens right in front of me, but I've got, yeah, I just, I love that environment.

[00:51:33] We do a little box, like a little checkoff box. And I would write that every morning I would write brush teeth. That was one line. Next line, eat. The next line, wear clean clothes. The next line, take a shower. Next line, maybe wash hair. And that was all I could do. And every time I did one thing on the to-do list, and this is like me going from high functioning CEO to now waking up and saying, really, Melissa?

[00:52:02] Like, really, this is what it's come down to is like, this is where we are. But it was, it was where I was. And I met myself where I was. And every time I did completed one of my tasks for the day, that was for the day. I would just do my check mark. And what I learned to do, I went to a yoga retreat. I got a scholarship. That's about asking for help. Like, you learn to ask for help.

[00:52:27] So I've got a scholarship to a weekend yoga retreat that started to change my life. And I learned about Dharma. And I learned about this tool that I've then created into my own tool. And it's, Eisenhower used it. He created it, a very, like, original version of it. So it was like for a time of war. And it's kind of like time management and necessity.

[00:52:52] And then Covey changed it into like a four quadrant time management tool. And then I, little old me, took it and I made it a little bit more me. And so I created this mess to momentum where I would take and I would brain dump everything going on, everything. Because I became a very, very, very bad procrastinator.

[00:53:18] Like, I would avoid doing anything that had to be done until it was overdue. Which is not a way that any of us should be living. It was really, really bad. And so I would brain dump everything on a piece of paper, dreams, goals, to-dos, the Messy Missy podcast. And I would organize it into one of four quadrants. And then I made a rule to myself.

[00:53:45] And I did this once a week, every week. I've got numerous pages of this. And if things weren't moving, like movement is such a key to life. Movement is so much, it is truly medicine. Movement in every single way. So I would, if things on this paper weren't moving from one quadrant to another or to a quadrant and then being completed as a task, then it had to leave the page altogether. Oh, wow.

[00:54:15] And if you could see, like, then I would be giving up on my dreams and goals. And like, one of my quadrants is my favorite quadrant. It's the heart space quadrant. Because those are the things my heart will be so happy to do someday, right? Or now or whenever. And so I created this little framework for myself that got me a little bit more alive. A little bit more to, like, what you're seeing today.

[00:54:44] Because I wasn't always, I wasn't always like this the past couple of years. Well, it's awesome. Because when you talk about your heart space, you do light up. And when I asked about Messy Messy becoming wildly successful, you lit up. So it's neat to see. Yeah. We're going to manifest it. There you go.

[00:55:07] I think a lot of people don't know the impact that they can have on each other, even if we're strangers, for example. Like, if you're listening to videos or motivational speakers or podcasts, like I told you, I've really enjoyed your podcasts. Thank you. Listening to other guests. You are having a profound ripple effect in a positive way on people that you don't even know.

[00:55:34] And then I also hope, I hope that my work does the same. And so I think we all, we can get down and out when we look at analytics or lack of funding or whatever. We can look at our own realities or we can just show up to keep helping people and believe and know that we are helping people. They don't know it.

[00:56:01] Or we don't know that we're helping them. This is a funny world of the web and everything we're living through. It is, but being a person of faith, Christianity, like yourself, I now got to the point where I pray before every podcast. I ask God to try to, I'm like, if you can use it for your benefit. And I really want him to. That's what lights me up now is that I hope that he is using it for his benefit and his kingdom.

[00:56:30] Well, I would hope that this conversation definitely helped us tell our stories of God. And I've had impact on a few people in my life recently that haven't been believers, that have seen what I've gone through and watched me continue to study and read the Bible and speak into life, so to speak.

[00:57:00] Even through everything that I've endured. And they watch that and they're like, well, there must be something to this. Right. For someone to go down the path you've gone and lose so much, but not lose your faith and not be willing to lose your faith. That speaks volumes right there. To me, it does. I'm sure to many other people. They're like, wow, you can go through that and you still love God. You still believe in God. You still know he's there for your good. Absolutely.

[00:57:30] Yeah. So I have no doubt that you're affecting people. So in a good way, positive way, godly way. I hope so. I've got enough haters. I don't need any more of those. Well, is there anything that we didn't talk about today that you want to make sure the listeners hear? Or do you think we've kind of. Always. So funny. So I do my Bible study by myself every morning and I will.

[00:57:58] And then I join like an online Bible. So I do both. And I will sit with the Bible and I'll kind of say like, where do you want me to go? Where? Like lead me. What do you need me to read? And I'll jump around. I'll find things. And I'll always say kind of towards what I feel like the end. I'll say to God, I'll say, is this complete? Does this does this feel complete? It's just for that particular morning. Right.

[00:58:26] And that just came through me as you were asking that question. And I kind of thought this feels really complete. This feels really good. Oh, awesome. So I thank you for being with us today. How can people if they're listening and they're like, I love Missy and I want to know more about Messy Missy. Yeah. How they can find you. Well, first off, I invite you. First off, the biggest thing you could do to help a podcast is to like, subscribe, hit all the buttons.

[00:58:55] I heard this the other day. It was so nice. It was just like, it costs you nothing. Just hit a button. So that is one way you can help. You always hear like, how can you help support a small business? This is how you help an entrepreneur. So, so help Michelle and like, subscribe, comment. I think comments and engagement. Like I also heard that it was like, if you're going to watch somebody's content, give them a little engagement.

[00:59:24] Like don't be that person who's like ghosts or whatever the, all those terms are now. But that's the hardest thing in the world is to get people to engage. It really is. But we, we need more engagement. We need that. It's like giving hugs. And so you can find me and I welcome you to like, reach out to me. I love like the, that human connection. So you can find me on my website.

[00:59:52] It's messy, missy.com. It's spelled different. It's M E S S I E M I S S Y.com. Because I just, I think I'm different. And I'm across the socials and email Melissa at messy, messy.com. And I just, so I want to be the person, no matter where God takes me that I am so approachable because you just never know what people are going through.

[01:00:21] You just never know. You don't, we don't have any clue what everybody would come across in a day, what they're dealing with. So I just had two older people, older, like eighties or plus today getting into a big argument with foul language. And I'm thinking like, really? Like, is it really that deep? Is it really that bad that you have to like swear at one another and like, they were older.

[01:00:50] I'm like, I don't know. Wow. Yeah. People are, we're in an epidemic of loneliness though. I mean, that that's true too. People are really lonely. It is very true. And how, in today's high tech online society, how do people connect? You know, and the only place I know, like I have my youngest child goes to a youth group that's for like 19 to 39 year old.

[01:01:18] So it's an older version of a youth group. Yeah. But I'm thinking, man, why don't they have the one from 39? Yeah. Yeah. It would be cool to be a part of a group. So, but yeah, I think we all suffer the same thing. We're busy. We're trying to do all these things, but you miss the personal connections. Absolutely. Yeah. For me, it's heightened because I just don't have a church community where I was very very active.

[01:01:45] And I did a lot of service work with our church when you're uprooted. That's a whole, this is a whole different world. So. Yeah. I can only imagine how tough it's been. So I thank you for being willing to share it with us though. And share the hard things and the beautiful things that have come out of it and sharing the wisdom you've learned along the way. Thank you. I'm very appreciative of you and your time today. So thank you so much. Absolutely.

[01:02:14] I'm so blessed. I've been wanting to connect with you. So thank you for having me on your show and all of your time. Thank you. Yeah. Let's stay connected. Thank you. I would love that. Thank you. Bye. Bye-bye. As we wrap up this episode, one of the things I appreciate the most about Missy's story is that she isn't telling it from the other side with everything neatly wrapped up. She's still in it and she's still rebuilding.

[01:02:40] And yet she's reached a place where she can dream again, set goals again, redefine what success means to her and use what she's learned to help other women find their own way forward. I also love something Missy said about her past. Quote, This is always going to be a part of my story, but I don't want to keep retelling that story anymore. I really want to tell a beautiful story. I want to tell something new. End quote. I think there's something in that for all of us. We don't get to change what happened, but what happened doesn't have to be the only

[01:03:10] story we ever tell. If you'd like to connect with Missy, learn more about her work or listen to the Messy Missy podcast, I'll have that information in today's show notes. If this conversation spoke to you, please share it with someone who may be in the middle of rebuilding their own life. Until next time, please remember, even in the middle of life's greatest struggles, there's still beauty to be found in the mess. As always, I hope this episode helps at least one person. And with that, I hope you have a blessed week, my friend.

[01:03:42] Thank you for listening to the Beauty and the Mess. If you enjoyed what you heard, please share it with a friend. And if you haven't already, please subscribe, rate, and review this podcast on your favorite pod player. If you have any questions or comments, any topic ideas you would like to hear about, or you think you would be a great guest on the show, you can reach me directly at thebeautyandthemess.com. Thanks for listening.